The Razor's Edge by onetruesmartass

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Submission Name: The Razor's Edge dots

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Author:	onetruesmartass
ASL Info:	30/F/Wa
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 934/791/77
Words:	208

Class/Type:	Prose/Depressed
Total Views:	398
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1370

Description:
Whatever.

The Razor's Edge dots

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Another screaming phone call,
Another meaningless fight.
Nothing I do is good enough,
Nothing I say is right.

Who would it really hurt
If I just went away?
Sorry if it bothers you,
But it hurts too much to stay.

The razors edge
Gleams in the bathroom light.
This will help stop it.
This will solve the fight.

Will it hurt
When it pierces my skin?
I know I'm a coward.
I let them win.

But in my heart
No one is there.
I don't matter at all.
No one cares.

Use me for what they want
Mold me to their will.
What will they say
When my body lies still?

I know my husband loves me
But my heart doesn't believe.
Always waiting for the shoe to drop.
Waiting for him to leave.

Don't trust friend loyalty,
Been down that road before.
When they get too close,
Show them to the door.

But my girls..Oh God my girls.
For them I can't do this.
Not a single part of their lives
Do I want to miss.

Their laughing from the other room
Makes me hesitate in my pledge.
It's not my time
To feel the razor's edge.

Submitted on 2006-01-16 14:15:36 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Enlightening piece. It's so great that you can write when you feel this way, shares your expression with others, it does. Not at all uncommon feelings but unfortunatley many do not have the strength of spirit or talent to write about it in such a flowing (dare I say "flowing") manner.

This will survive you even if you live to be 100. If you have the heart, leave your collection to each of your children, perhaps as they reach adulthood so they can later appreciate your life as one of the few humans they can ever really know. I think it would make them stronger persons to know you better.

I can't say that I've ever even considered suicide, but I've had good friends who have. It still leaves me with a lot of guilt knowing that in at least one case I might have helped if I understood things better at the time. That's something you don't want to leave anyone with.
| Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  Enlightening piece. It's so great that you can write when you feel this way, shares your expression with others, it does. Not at all uncommon feelings but unfortunatley many do not have the strength of spirit or talent to write about it in such a flowing (dare I say "flowing") manner.

This will survive you even if you live to be 100. If you have the heart, leave your collection to each of your children, perhaps as they reach adulthood so they can later appreciate your life as one of the few humans they can ever really know. I think it would make them stronger persons to know you better.

I can't say that I've ever even considered suicide, but I've had good friends who have. It still leaves me with a lot of guilt knowing that in at least one case I might have helped if I understood things better at the time. That's something you don't want to leave anyone with.
| Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  Enlightening piece. It's so great that you can write when you feel this way, shares your expression with others, it does. Not at all uncommon feelings but unfortunatley many do not have the strength of spirit or talent to write about it in such a flowing (dare I say "flowing") manner.

This will survive you even if you live to be 100. If you have the heart, leave your collection to each of your children, perhaps as they reach adulthood so they can later appreciate your life as one of the few humans they can ever really know. I think it would make them stronger persons to know you better.

I can't say that I've ever even considered suicide, but I've had good friends who have. It still leaves me with a lot of guilt knowing that in at least one case I might have helped if I understood things better at the time. That's something you don't want to leave anyone with.
| Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought the poem was really depressing. My understanding of it, was that you were suffering from stress, and the fights with your husband were pushing you off the edge. It got to the point where you were going to kill yourself. But out of love for your kids, you stopped. It was a nice, although still sad, ending. I understand that feeling, where you can't seem to go on any longer.

Nice poem though, you write well.
| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
  While I can't identify with your subject matter, I can once again stress that you write very powerful material. Even though I can't connect with you on an emotional level here, I'm am thoroughly impressed with your prose and word usage. It's good to be back.
| Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Grey Fox | [ Reply to This ]
  "But in my heart
No one is there.
I don't matter at all.
No one cares."

All of us have felt this way and many of us have come close to ending it all, but stick around. Things are worth living for.
Loveage,
Mike
| Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok, so I waited before reading this because you told me what it was inspired by...

If I were to look at this as just form, the writing was excellent Sweetness - very well handled for the topic...

If I look at it from the personal aspect, well, I think I've already told you my feelings with that and was unable to comment before considering the sh*t going on with me...but I examined my head (I know dangerous, but I have a degree 4 that) and as much "sh*t" that passes forth in here & in our lives, I was also inspired and kick started by someone here...so it's not all bad...

If I said to you...people are not always what they appear to be - I know you already know that...but some people are what they appear to be...they just can't always have a running blazer to get 20 f*cking minutes up the road...oops, sorry was rambling...

Good Writing - I'll come and give u a hug...
Bad Idea - I'll come and kick your ass- (even if I would have to stand on a ladder to do so)

So, okay, I'm done now...and you do know that superdad will never leave you - it's not in his eyes (and besides, I couldn't get that lucky)
me
| Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, Hey, hey - what the fu*k!!!

So many times you've talked about the love between you and your husband, and although I don't know you I'm sure it's true.

I have worked with so many people who believed they were not loved and they would be doing every one a favor if they checked out.

Those that did, leave so much devastation behind. Devastation that last a lifetime for those that survive, not only grieve the loss the person believed no one would feel, but the guilt that they let the loved one down.

Traci, I know you don't want to do that to your girls and husband. We all feel unloved and unappreciated at times (just read some of my posts)

Being a woman an particularly a mother can often be a thankless job. So much giving often with little return.

Believe me you are loved far more than you can imagine. For crying out loud, I even love you!!!

Hang in there!! This too shall pass!

With Love,

Steve
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
  Usually I have no time whatsoever for people who write suicidal trash but I thought this was quite well written and interesting. I almost felt sorry for the person, staring at herself in the mirror and deciding not to put an end to it because of her kids.

PS You have 2 errors in the piece:-

Line 5: "whom", not "who" as grammatically it is the accusitive case;

Line 9: apostrophe needed in razor's.
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Edna Sweetlove | [ Reply to This ]
  I think everyone considers it, either seriously or fleeting (or sometimes both) at some point thankfully for most it's the latter.
In this you seem to have captured alot of the emotions that suicide invokes, despair, selfishness, fear and then at the end turns to hope and realisation that someone will indeed notice and be hurt by the loss. I hope that this isn't serious like others have mentioned.
As a poem some of the lines in the later stanzas run over a little, and it's nothing new to read to be quite honest. Saying that, I've read worse and like I said you got all the feelings in there. Ta.

TTFN
V
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
  this poem speaks to me...it reminds me alot of the poem i jus wrote... i love poems that are a downward spiral...and at the end you are snaped back into realty. that is what you poem does. although dark and morbid...which i LOVE! it shows a gentle side of ur heart which still has control of ur mind.
| Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by princess-india | [ Reply to This ]
  Well...one point in time I found out that the dam razor really doesn't do any good unless you actually take the razor out of the little contraption that it is in...or have just a straight blade razor...

At times we got lost in a web that only we can figure out how to get out of. Instead of a spider coming at you it is death/fate. Only the strong will survive. And obviously you did. I know that the little one's love you more then you may tend to see at times...and if you turn all that devotion you had for a significant other towards them little ones. Slowly you will be healed.

This was a deep write!

Much love,

Li Li
| Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
  An empty heart and no one there is one thing that hurts the most. When you really look at your life you see what matters most, your children if you have them. you have to keep yourself together in order to be there for them.
great write
erin
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by devonsmom03 | [ Reply to This ]
  Suicide only happens when one believes there is nothing worth living for.

You haven't reached that point- thank the gods.

I wish I had been here this weekend. Not just for you, but so that I wasn't so emotionally beat up when I made it home and got hit with this write.

I'm sorry if I have not been around enough, understanding enough, or listened enough. You are a huge part of my world, a major player in my life. You are the aunt to my boys, and one of the very few my husband calls a friend. And we all love you as one of our own.

I'm glad you remembered that you have reasons to live. (And I'm o.k. with the fact that your girls are the only reason right now- we have time to work on that...)

Live for them, if you can't live for yourself, your wonderful husband, your best friend, or the massive number of people on this planet that know how much you are worth. As long as you keep living there will be time for the rest of us...

We all love you,
and I'm proud of you for being strong enough to ask for help.

Just don't scare me like this again- or the cause of your death won't be suicide! And I'll find a way to hunt you down and haunt you in the afterlife!!!! Count on it!

Love, always.

Chell
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  Travi, if you kill yourself I'll NEVER speak to you again!

Why don't you talk to me about this sort of stuff? You know, we're a lot more alike than you think.

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  ooooooooh.

(Please send me a private note and tell me this was all for fun.)

This is a really powerful piece. Maybe it's just that I don't really expect suicidal things from you, but it hit like a hammer. I think "The Razor's Edge" has been done quite a bit, but you've got unique things here.

A couple of lines were noteworthy:

"Who would it really hurt
If I just went away?"

That's about as lonely as it gets. Then,

"But my heart doesn't believe.
Always waiting for the shoe to drop."

Screams lack of confidence and self-esteem.

Together the two emotions are a sure recipe for disaster.

Very good write.

Steve
(waiting for my PM telling me everything is hunky dory)

| Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]

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