Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Like a Comic on Creased Paperdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1414
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 379



    Description:
       Words pop into my head, and I write them down. I'll leave this for others to analyze. I have no idea what to call this. I'm thinking of chang it to "the head burned from the picture like a cheating boyfriend."


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike a Comic on Creased Paperdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I pass through doors that I open with my teeth;
    I chew through dreams and memories
    searching frantically for myself,
    but all I find is my body
    printed like a comic on creased paper.
    The head removed like a cheating boyfriend
    burned from a picture.
    I consider weeping until I realize
    my absent head is my passageway.




    Submitted on 2006-01-16 17:15:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is sharp. abruptly poignant...

    i like the imagery..the only thing i was left begging for at the end was another allusion to the teeth or the chewing ...that was so good early...then seemed to get abandoned...would have liked the symmetry of seeing some reference to it at the end.

    but a kicker of a piece...your words mesmerize.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      are you having tooth problems or is this just a grat way of verballizing your point in an interesting and totally unique way?
    | Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      You are so far away from cliché on this piece it's almost an entirely new way of looking out at the world. Rockin'

    'I pass through doors that I open with my teeth
    I chew through dreams and memories'

    hah! Loved that 'grab you by the guts' approach.

    A great title and a smootgh, clear flow.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      My absent head would make a super-highway.
    You need to fill me in on the trick. I'm pretty sure you know already, but I have affinity for the ambiguous disembodied pieces. Which is one reason why I like this piece. The other is because it's well written. ?Magic Art? Is that what it's call when you have to make your eyes all fuzzy to see the picture? I love those things.
    Even after I've seen the picture or part of it, I go back for more despite the fact that it makes my head hurt. That's what this piece brings to mind (honestly, this is a compliment).
    With that said, I enjoyed the read,
    and I will be coming back to it later fuzzy-eyed looking for more.
    Nicely
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      Keep the title. I can't quite figure out the poem though...seems to me like someone weeping and gnashing her teeth in agony.
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      The title is what caught me, then I read it and wondered. And had to read it again, and just thought.

    Oh!

    There's such ambiguity in it. Opening doors with teeth, chewing through dreams. It's like your hands and feet and ears were all occupied and you had to rely on the most primitive instinct that creatures have, to use their mouths and teeth to fight.

    Then the head removed... almost as though it was in self hatred, but also unconciously was the very act that helped save you.

    Or maybe removed because it helped take you away from the scene, or perhaps removing it made you even more noticeable.

    Very interesting.
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]
      Well Lets see

    hmm...

    I like the flow and the direction of this one.
    But I really don't know what to think of it.
    I guess I just plain don't understand it...Im sorry don't hate me...LOL

    It feels like a dream
    the kind that makes you wake up in the middle of the night thinking what the hell was that about? Was it something I ate?

    Well at least that is what it feels like to me.

    Hope you are well and take care.

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Amy,
    I'm finally commenting! :)

    You set up a really nice visual for us and it flows nicely.

    I really like the "head removed like a cheating boyfriend/burned from a picture". lol I believe everyone can relate to that one! Haha

    I've said this time and time again - you should really publish a book with all your pieces illustrated. That would be awesome. But then again you set up such a nice visual that you really don't need it illustrated! lol

    I enjoyed it a lot hun. Great piece. *Hugs* Take care.

    Sorry this comment is a piece of crap! LoL

    <3

    Bethany
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Amy,
    I have to say that I felt like a lab rat trying to find it's way through a bizarre maze of emotion.
    I love that you put such urgency into this without seeming to try. It's almost off handed yet so very specific..and unique like you!
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so profound Amy, because while it's quite abstract in terms of reality I see it as a dream of passage. and that being where one finds themselves instead of someone else.
    I seldom work backward through poems, but the burned out boyfriend photo, becomes your portal. Now that is brilliant!

    You've found yourself! You scrappy little doorknob chewer!
    and being an artist could make the creased pages of cartooned images, but I don't want to make you own this.
    Great write, I wouldn't change a word.

    Love,

    Nan

    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      attention graber with that first line.this was intresting.bitterness expressed with the off with his head thing=my take.
    i liked the imagery.and im with you=i wouldnt know what to call this.and i write what pops myself

    thanks 4 sharring

    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    87739

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    prison written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry