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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deppressiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Writer Chic
    ASL Info:    15/F/at my house
    Elite Ratio:    4.83 - 100/101/26
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 475
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 686



    Description:
       this is the suckiest poem, i reckon....it's not very good, I don't like it much, but hey, why not just post it? and I did!! Comments freely!


    Holler!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeppressiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Mind races,

    it's in turmoil,

    There are too many empty spaces,

    within that twisted coil.

    The body twists and turns,

    as a result of restlessness.

    The thought of happiness burns,

    upon the flesh, as a nasty boil.



    The ears are enclosed,

    in an atmosphere of no voices.

    The lips have composed,

    a silent song of no noises.

    Stillness looms around,

    and an eerie emptiness forms.

    Deafening silence is abound,'

    but the mind has to make choices




    Submitted on 2006-01-16 22:30:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is not a bad poem. I think it is a good expression of some real feelings that are most difficult to deal with. Depression affects so many people and this poem does a good job at expressing how it feels to be stuck in this feeling. Perhaps you could revise it at a later date but even as it is now it is good. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      First off, this isn't all that bad. Maybe in a year or two you could revise to make it better. I don't know, that's up to you. But I do think it's a good piece. It could just use a little bit of work. The ideas and comparisons expressed in this couldn't be closer to what it feels like to be depressed. Trust me, I know. Anyways, whether you work on this or not, it's still a good piece.
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by HeavensDeceit | [ Reply to This ]
      you know what you want but you dont know how to get there. you rack your brains and all you get is more questions.

    'The thought of happiness burns,
    upon the flesh, as a nasty boil.'
    Do you think this because when people who dont get happy all that often get REALLY happy when there is something to feel good about and then they see all the misery in the world and just think how measly their emotions are...or i could be getting depressed again.

    the second stanza is free flowing in description of the lonely dimension - this is very sad because it doesnt sound like a happy place.

    how about the write? i love the splitting of one thought onto 2 lines, shows a break in structure which again highlights the nature of the poem and the subject matter.

    There are a lot of ideas here - but none of them are to do with flowers so i'm not liking this. other than that, awesome!
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by bugsy | [ Reply to This ]
      So I gather this involves the stress related to remaining functional in the midst of total burnout (when the senses become overwhelmed with choices the heart has no energy to make). Actually, this isn't a bad write considering the subject matter, but I would suggest substituting 'without' for 'of no' and 'abounds' for 'is abound' in the second stanza. Other than that, it seems fine. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]



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