Lies, Love and Life by magickandie

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Submission Name: Lies, Love and Life dots

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Author:	magickandie
Elite Ratio:	4.34 - 190/168/37
Words:	80

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	200
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	584

Description:
I dunno. I just found this one I had written like 4 or 5 months ago.

Lies, Love and Life dots

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Lies,
The slippery, silvery words
Of the double-edged sword.
False promises,
Whispered in your ear,
By an unfaithful Casanova.

Love,
The one emotion,
That will bring you to heaven,
Or toss you to Hell.
So quickly,
Can the fiery passion of love,
Turn to a cold burning hate.

Life,
Is the only long journey,
That seems far too short.
Birth, Death,
Both beginnings and ends.
It’s the love, lies and life,
In between that counts.

Submitted on 2006-01-16 23:07:28 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  First, thanks for commenting on Selfish Grieving. And I really am sorry for your loss as well.

My favorite part:

"Life,
Is the only long journey,
That seems far too short."

That stuck with me and I like it a lot. The only criticism I have is that you sort of include the conclusion of the poem in the Live stanza. I felt that lines like the last two should be seperate to act as a conclusion. But that would interfere with your structure, so I don't know...

Either way, it was short and to the point-my kind writing. Nice. : )

Danielle
| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Kalidoscopeeyes | [ Reply to This ]
  I like how you discribe these three. It is a very true discription.

Love,
The one emotion,
That will bring you to heaven,
Or toss you to Hell.
So quickly,
Can the fiery passion of love,
Turn to a cold burning hate.

That is my favorite part. It is very true. When yuo are in love, one second everything is just how it should be. You couldn't be happier. Thats when you're in heaven...The next second, you're fighting with the one you love, pissed as [censored]. Thats hell. I really do think this was very original. Keep it up.

Akai_ame
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
  Pretty good piece. There were a few spots here and there that threw me off rhythmically, such as the line "So quickly," in the second stanza. The paradox in the third stanza fit well and came off smooth, which in itself, is more than a small victory.

A topic like this could easily have spiraled down into a cliché-filled poem, and while there were a few overused phrases, it still came away with a strong taste. Nicely done.
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Tissue | [ Reply to This ]
  Not to shabby, not to shabby at all. I like. Job well done! Though in the "Love" stanza, its a little repetitive when you again say love towards the end of it. Maybe find a different word or cut it to leave it out completely? "Can the fiery passion turn to a cold burning hate?" That's a little less redundant and flows easier. Just a thought. I like this poem better than most that are posted, love the ideas, even though they are said in a cliché manner.
Peace
'Till next time
Sacred_tearS
| Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]

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