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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shavingsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tissue
    ASL Info:    17/Male/New York
    Elite Ratio:    5.06 - 80/87/33
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 954
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 322



    Description:
       I've had people tell me they love it, and I've had people tell me it needs total revision. Without further ado, here's a more recent work, written in the early grasp of October.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShavingsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The swipe, swipe, swipe of a woodsman
    Sends litter to the floor.
    Already his work is taking form,
    While formless chunks fall.

    The crafty old man thinks of
    Flakes off his design.
    Left scattered on the floor.
    Part of something more?

    No. Just shavings.




    Submitted on 2006-01-17 07:14:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i've looked at this piece in a few ways... it's very simple... but makes you think after you sit and ponder why someone would write it.. it makes you search for meaning... kinda...

    michealangelo expressed once (i believe) something about how the people inside his marble statues were trapped and he was just letting them out... except for all of his unfinished works that he abandoned...

    so maybe as this guy looks at these wooden flakes he's seeing freedom... or maybe he's seeing the death of a tree... or maybe he's just trying to think of a good use for the chips.. a garden, perhaps? minds do wander...

    as for the writing itself, i would change the punctuation in the second stanza... the second line you have a period.. and the third line.. but the third line isnt a complete thought.. you should just use maybe a semi-colon or something...

    overall a good, simple piece... i dont think i would call it 'deep' as others commenting here have, but it's a poem to think about...
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed reading your poem it was deep and allowed the readed to explore their own imagnation. I really liked how in the first stanza you had three out of the four lines end in a word that started with the same letter. I do have to say though that I did not quite understand the line "the crafty old man thinks of" that is the only line that i have any real problem with, other then that it was a really good read. keep up the creative writing.
    Rosh
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Rosh_5 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry about this, but I gotta get it out:

    Vagrant, of course it's not the shavings that matter! This piece was deep!

    Well erm, Chris, apologies for that. Down to your poem. I thought it was really... unique. It wa just simple, to the point, totally miscellaneous, but very deep.

    Not a poetic masterpiece, but rather a message to mankind. I know for sure that I prefer the latter any day. I believe to each reader this has it's own meaning, and I like what I got from it.

    Keep writing, I can see you have the wonderful ability to inspire.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay...when I first read this, I was heavily confused and disgusted by this piece of poetry, mainly because I wondering why anybody would write about wood shavings. However, the other part of my brain spoke up at the exact same time, saying that it wasn't the wood carvings themselves that mattered.

    Is that true?

    In any case, I did like how you made a point to talk about the wood shavings and not what the person was carving.
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Vagrant_AI | [ Reply to This ]


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