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Author: Poly Jean
ASL Info:    31/f/FarAway
Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 382 /259 /68
Words: 56
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1472
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 429


It’s probably grammatically incorrect, but I’m fond of it, for now.

Repost. Done some editing. No one will read it any way.


These desires are chimeras.
It is sweet addiction, to dwell
inside these dreams
designed by some dark mad
leonardesque sfumato blueprint.

I’m lingering out of shadows
in this make believe world.
These are audible dreams
burning revelations of cold winter days.
It’s the dark renaissance of my own humanity.

Submitted on 2006-01-17 12:38:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Good strong images ... fine poetic phrasiology .... I enjoyed it a great deal ... you have a deft poetic hand here ... it is a tad arcane ... and I confess I do not have a clue what a sfumato blueprint my be .... bravo ... bravo... michael
| Posted on 2007-03-08 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  I can feel the mood of Charles Baudelaire’s Paris spleen in here. It is so present, and I kind of see the poem as a new, and kind of modern rework of ‘to every man his chimera’. I really do enjoy this write. The dark vision, and the way to turn words and conceptions to come in conflict with its own origin is quite clever.
Also the Baudelaire symbolism is ever present in this one, the private dream/hallucinatory state of mind.
One of your better writes, it might even be a poem.

"So you see how difficult it is to understand one another, my dear angel, how incommunicable thought is, even between two people in love."

Take care,
| Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
  Very heavy pome at least for me. Short but inspiring. I like the idea of blueprint it ties in with the rest for the blueprint is merely an idea of what is or could come of it. Really at this point its what we make of it. Lingering out of shadow in this make believe world shows u are on your way working on what u thought of the other day put it down on paper and working with it. Indeed a Great Poetic view of ready for the next step even if its into or from darkness. Please feel free to comment on this i am interested on feed back
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
  Short and brilliant. Chimeras, female demons with the body of many animals, lion and goat usually; sfumato, a gradual blending of color to remove edges; leonardesque, da Vinci-like, without the "o", ; key words to decoding this poetic "dark renaissance " dream. Freud says all dreams are sexual, so where does that take us. Fear, the "dark renaissance", "of " your "humanity", seems to me we are at a crossroad. A choice to be made, one we dread. Thus "chimeras", and madman designs.

Very clever construction, great use of symbols, open to many interpretations. Just damn good poetry. Loved it.

| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  I really do love when writers a lot of depth into few words, lines. You've done that here. I only wish you would've put in some footnotes for me, because I'm going to have to look a few things up :) but learning is a good thing :D
Great Work!
| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
  Without lines - in the absence of contours. Its a curious contradiction - that one of the fundemental units of structure in poetry is the line and here it is used to described and inner world devoid of it. I like the comparison between chimeras and sfumoto and Leonardo and rennaisance. Once, there are strong and moving emotive chords that resonate with me in this piece, more than anything other line is the dissonance in your closing line with "dark Rennaisance", I felt a gripping shiver in my spine after those lines as if you had written my thoughts down. It's like the paris catacombs bathed in shadows and lingering secrets. My one pause is your phrasing of Leonardo as leonardesque, it is just too ruff on the tongue for me and even as I've read this 10 ten times it still doesn't conform to the way I want it to read. as to suggestions, tentatively I would say "masters" or painters or even brushes...

So, I relaly like this piece, save for the one exception, but it is a great set of comparisons you have created (the burning winter was not lost on me) to describe emotional undercurrents.
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Car va g o | [ Reply to This ]
  Awesome words...Its so dream-like and flows just like one too. As though it was written in a disassociated state although its very focused on what you want it to mean. So I actually contradicted my own comment but hey. And about grammar..I've never seen a truly great poem that follows all gramatical rules. Dreams come to life. Great poem.
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
  This written very nicely. I love your word flow. It made the poem seem deeper than it is. You used alot of imagery. But it was not to the end, I think I could understand it. I get the feeling you feel like a girl outside the candy store window. Like you are left out in a way. you just blend in with the darkness of the world. You are going through the motions, not really living life. That's my take on it. I think you did a fine job.

| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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