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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Showersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Heat
    ASL Info:    15/M/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 44/58/15
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 204
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 706



    Description:
       "Showers" was written on January 10, 2006. It's just one of those longing passions in the rain.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShowersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Raining outside.
    Can't play today.
    Can't go nowhere.
    But I think I'll cleanse myself,
    Right now.
    Stepping into the rain,
    Clothes already wet,
    Cold to my black skin.
    Waters coming down,
    On my denim shorts,
    A cool river underneath my bare feet,
    Soaking in something fresh.
    Yes, I scream!
    I dance!
    Raindrops hit my hard chest,
    Streaming down to my waistband,
    Making me moan happily,
    That I'm finally free.
    My own ocean,
    I'm proud of,
    Washing my natural hair to my nice, round toes.
    It's unbelievable,
    This refreshing shower.




    Submitted on 2006-01-17 16:09:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the way the narrator doesn't seem self-conscious...the poem really does carry the feeling of being free and rejoicing in the simple pleasure of a moment.

    I think the first half is better than the second and the poem wouldn't suffer much to lose it. I guess some of the things you say or the way you say them sound a little off somehow...but it's hard to explain without seeming to go on the offensive and you certainly don't deserve that.

    Sometimes it's not so much what's said or how it's said but more about the mood and there's a good one here.

    DB
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm... I guess the title shouldn't be plural n my opinion...
    kinda cool, I agree wih slent death, it's pretty random...I think it's also kinda weird, but look who's talking
    oh well, it's okay. bye
    Avril54
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good-pretty damned random in my opinion but sometimes (like this one) random can be really nice...I Liked this though I can't really put my finger on exactly what it is that I liked the most lol..I dunno it just kinda struck me the right way...nice write..will check out more of your stuff sometime
    peace.
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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