The Heat by Heat

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Submission Name: The Heat dots

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Author:	Heat
ASL Info:	15/M/LA
Elite Ratio:	4.11 - 44/58/15
Words:	79

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	192
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	534

Description:
"The Heat" was written on January 10, 2006. It's a passion poem. It's set in the bedroom where it is hot because of the bathroom being open, and the bathtub is filled with hot soapy water, and the colors of heat that my lover is wearing. It's not true, it's just my imagination. lol.

The Heat dots

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Candles lit.
Red, the color of the bed.
Orange, the color of your lingerie.
Steam from the hot bath.
High heels on your sexy feet.
Sweat running all over my body.
Passion waiting to take place.
The feeling of orgasm throughout.
Hotness making me scream.
Need you to calm me and cool me down.
Come on, baby.
Let's bring in the hear.
Start a long make-out session,
Tasting your cinnamon scented lips.
I want you,
In the heat.

Submitted on 2006-01-17 16:48:32 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hee hee! Ok...seriously...Woo Hoo! haha! Hey I had fun reading this one. It put a smile on my face and a chuckle hear and there. I gotta say though, I dont know if I have ever seen orange lingerie before, I know I certainly have never worn that color lingerie before but I guess if it works for you, go with it! haha! Perhaps you could include more colors throughout this poem to tie in the color theme you had going in the beginning, I think that was effective. Nice to just sit and write out some raw emotion and thoughts isnt it? And I like "cinnamon scented lips" used here too. It adds character. Overall a good and hot kinda poem. Nice. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  oooooh, um, I got to about the 4th or 5th line and just about puked. I'm sorry, i
m not one for poems like this...ew. sorry. I'll go and check out something else of yours. bye

Avril54
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like how you encorporated color into the equation. It gives the reader a more vivid sense of what you're trying to say in the piece. Bathtime is always a fun time if you ask me, and you just personified that :)

And as Chell said below...I think you may have meant 'Heat' not 'Hear'...so if you edit that, I think that's all I'd have to point out...other than that...Kudos hun! Great job.

Ciao' for now,

Avry
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
  Hot, nice, and spicy. You started using the colors associated with 'hot'- red and orange, then the physical side of heat (sweat)- then the taste and smell, Cinnamon. I almost expected to hear a 'sizzle' in there somewhere to round out the senses.

You asked for praise and so I'll say that this is a spectacular beginning. I want more, though.

I did want to ask really quick, what does,

"Come on, baby.
Let's bring in the hear."

mean?

Did you mean heat? Just a quick wonder. I think I want to go take a bath now...

Take Care!

Chell
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey heat

This eems a little odd in that you describe colors (orange lingerie?) and then don't really do anything with them...I get that you're setting the scene but perhaps just one color or color throughout?

It's also a little odd that the climax seems to come before the build up.

I like what you're trying for but it seems fragmented and clumsy as opposed to sensuous and seamless.
Just my take and sorry I couldn't be more positive about it.

DB
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  Whoa! ...lol. I couldn't resist, I had to comment on this one. ...but, I'm kinda speechless.

Again, short and simple...
But, nevertheless, extremely sensual! I could definitely feel the heat. I'm pretty sure that- yep... you turned me on...lol!

That's pretty good for coming from your imagination. It'll take me a while to get those images out of my head. Then again, I'm not sure if I want that. *smiles*

Keep writing.
It's keeping me on the edge of my seat.

Crystal
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by purely_complex | [ Reply to This ]

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