Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: i restdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 632
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 267



    Description:
       just something quick. i hope you all like this different style.
    love love


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi restdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i scream
    this rage inside me burns.
    i cry
    this pain i feel can't turn.
    i shout
    this anger in me goes.
    i yell
    for what i want to know
    i hate this passion is my doom
    i die
    i rest inside my tomb.




    Submitted on 2006-01-17 18:41:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Short and well, not sweet, but sweet in a dark way! he he he
    I liked the all lower case - it goes with the mood of this piece. I took it that the tomb was like, life or yourself.
    Good!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smiles 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      As I read it, I think the item Meotoko felt was missing is a carriage-return after "hate".

    I like the terse lines too, though I wonder if using the same rhythm in each pair of lines isn't too monotonous. Maybe changing the last line to "inside my tomb I rest" would mix up it up some?

    -Frank
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]
      nice poem. i like the 2 worded lines that explain the rest of the "stanza"..however i was a little confused on the line that read "i hate this passion is my doom"...it's almost as if you're missing a word or it needs a conjunction or to be divided.
    *barbie*
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Meotoko | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    87880

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Push written by JanePlane
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Giving written by jjd
    Linger written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry