Description: I miss my gf, and it only makes a couple of days i didnt see her.
Miss you... -------------------------------------------
I miss you
Can’t live without you
Makes simply a day or so I didn’t see you
And already here I am standing
In calamity
Waiting for the instant
That I will see you
Because you are
The single one I want to be amongst
When I’m with you
I want to stay with you
When you leave
I can’t let you go
I want to have you
Next to me evermore
And I can’t stop thinking of the instant
When I am with you
I want to take care of my living
For the reason that
You are my living…
Wolfie I really like this one as well You have a way of opening up your heart in your writes and not holding anything back That Creates True Honest Emotion It seems from your last write that I commented on that you have regained the Love that was empty from your Heart Im Happy for You You Deserve It!!! God Bless Your Friend Ron
I would like to offer some suggestions if you will allow me
I miss you[,] [I] can’t live without you. [Makes simply a day or so I didn’t see you]
(reading that line above sounds really confusing for it doesn't seem to make any sense, maybe you could re word or something)
And already here I am standing In calamity
( If you intend to keep the ending of the first stanza you might as well just joint the second stanza with it. For if you allow a break it doesn't read so well when they flow into each other)
Waiting for the instant That I will see you Because you are The single one I want to be amongst
[For] when I’m with you I want to stay with you When you leave I can’t let you go I want to have you Next to me[, for] evermore And I can’t stop thinking of the instant
( again it would seem best to join these two stanzas based on how you ended the stanza above, it might be best just to join everything in one continous stanza)
When I am with you I want to take care of my living For the reason that You are my living…
Those are my suggestions and you can take them or leave that is up to you. That said, I like the idea behind this, and it did sound sincere in its tone. Good write and with a little touching up could be great.
This was kind of sadly sweet. I think it is an easily relatable poem as probably most everyone has felt this way before. I have one small nitpicky thing though. This line "The single one I want to be amongst" It completely took me out of the poem and I had to start again and try to ignore it. You can't really "be amongst" one person and so the line comes off sort of awkward. You might want to exchange the word "amongst" for "with".
this was really sweet..I can relate to this one as well except the person I feel like this about is with someone else...actually don't tell anyone but he's married. but yeah um this was simple and to the point and it definatly showed how much you love her...she's really lucky to have someone this into her;) nice write. peace.
I really like it. It was sweet, very straight forward. I agree with Angel, I would give it a 4/5.
its amazing what love does to you, isnt it? Totally changes everything. The way you look at things & feel about them. It changes your priorities & your dreams. Its crazy.
You got one lucky girl there. Just be glad you only have to be away from her for a couple of days at a time take care, you did a good job on this. Keep it up ~jenn
I know what it's like to miss somebody with everything that you are and everything that you have. My boyfriend is in the Marine Corps and we see each other like twice a year...I spend most of my time missing him and feeling what you wrote in your poem. The only time you feel complete is when you're with that person, and nothing is right when you're not. Great write. ~hailie~
This poem is very sweet. It sort of sounds like there's an obsession, but overpowered by love. Either way, it's good. I personally take interest in these lines,
When I’m with you I want to stay with you When you leave I can’t let you go I want to have you Next to me evermore And I can’t stop thinking of the instant.
Good work on this poem. Keep up the good work. 4/5 ~*AnGeL*~
This is really good. I can relate a little bit right now, which I really need to stop because its been like 2 months..maybe longer. i dont feel like thinking right now. Well, Good work on the poem, I like it. Inkpen
Submission Name: Miss you...
. but yeah um this was simple and to the point and it definatly showed how much you love her...she's really lucky to have someone this into her;)