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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So Beautifuldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mieko
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 253/209/99
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1424
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1489



    Description:
       t.t I totally just wrote abuncha stuff and then pieced it together.

    Not much of a poem, but tell me what you think :33


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Beautifuldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I speak truthfully:
    I had found my glory.
    Now I have forgotten it,
    cut off the wings
    that just won’t bleed.
    Because they never really were alive.
    To find a hope,
    And then to loose that hope…
    Pain that has no substance;
    something I’d never try to recreate.

    I’ve lost it...
    So completely lost it.
    The light I had found
    Diminished,
    Smashed into the ground.
    As the beauty disappears...
    As the song fades...
    As the tears are dissolved...
    They merely dissipate.

    There goes the meaning:
    There goes all the people who’ve told you...
    That you were wrong.
    Spread your fingers out now
    And feel the coolness around
    what used to be a closed fist.
    Look around you
    Let your mind rest;
    Rest, close your eyes...
    Everything will be reset when you awake
    Idle threats that leave, a gift time brings...
    Maybe you’ve lost something dear to you
    But that’s okay...

    I thought it was beautiful.
    When you shivered, and twitched,
    And the wet tears leaked out from
    The corners of your green eyes
    'Cause it means you were listening’
    And you felt something rise
    A fear in your chest,
    That wouldn’t go away
    Crying it out,
    Because there isn’t anything you can say.








    Submitted on 2006-01-18 03:59:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this, for it's a deeper piece of writting. Prehaps it's cuz i've had simular feelings recently, but i'm sure mine are different, yours being somewhat ambigous in this piece as well. But in a very general sense, i relate. what ever it is for you in particular though, i hope you find peace from it soon.
    | Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]
      There was a great flow to this. It just.... oo! its so great i dont know what to say!
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by Pirate | [ Reply to This ]
      The first stanza is fairly coherent but it goes of track in the second stanza... It's almost like there is not enough of a concrete reference to give the reader a great aming point.

    yOur last stanza is very strong and well put together, but it is not quite enough to explain what has come before. The middle needs a bit more work or the references will colapse in on themselves.
    This will go from good to great when you solidify the imagery.
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      The words seemed to fly right off the page here. I like what you were saying and I hope to read much more from such a talented writer! Kind of a angels and demons thing? Well keep it up .
    Kelley
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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