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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sometimesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 277
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Alone
    Total Views: 1101
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1719



    Description:
        This is basicly about how things in your life bring you down. Finally you feel so lost that you give up and slowly find ways to self gather. When you do find the solution or find the answer to your needs you depend on things that you thought would heal your heart and soul, but as always, it was only the stairway leading to a higher fall, a shoulder that only let your head fall and the fear of evil jest frolicking in your every tear.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSometimesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes this life relates to death.
    Intombing freedom cursed with bliss.
    Sometimes this nightmare fades from dreams,
    manifested kindeled sceames.

    Sometims your purest thought is doomed,
    sometimes frustration cures the whome.
    Sometimes your heart finds love and peace,
    sometimes that love is just disease.

    Sometimes the shoulder found by your tears,
    is just a scream you cannot hear.
    Sometimes your friends seem giving share,
    sometimes those friends had never cared.

    Sometimes the saness asked by all,
    wears a mask of jesting fall.
    Sometimes the snakes play games and things,
    sometimes they slither killing names.

    Sometimes the fear that is itself,
    drains the hope of days we've delt.
    Sometimes the one's who make you feel good,
    sometimes you feel so damned confused.

    Sometimes these words I write are deep,
    sometime it was till evil creeped.
    Sometimes saddness creeps abroad,
    sometimes consumed by nothing more.

    Sometimes insaness was the key,
    the halls of painted rooms obscene.
    Sometimes you just don't understand,
    sometimes so jelous fisting hand.

    Sometimes it's just to hard to be,
    to be so happy, to feel loves free.
    Sometimes trust is broken needs,
    sometimes are better when you bleed.

    Sometimes I just can not explain,
    the deepness of my doom, my pain.
    Sometimes I wonder why I'm so alone,
    I know that sometimes never come.




    Submitted on 2006-01-18 05:34:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      First of all I want to say that this is not good at all, this piece is "Wow" amazing. I dont mean to be rude or disrespectful to the person who posted a comment here but I disagree to the fullest extent. This piece moved me and made me think. I agree with what your poem is saying and I enjoyed the repetition of the sometimes. I love that word "sometimes", your imagery is amazing and refreshing, some of the lines made me laugh. Your word choice is curious at least to me it is because it creates all this questions in my mind, what made choose them? what was going through your mind?

    Sometimes your heart finds love and peace,
    sometimes that love is just disease.

    I love this line because its true, I love it because what I've experience and seen love is mostly a disease.

    Sometimes the shoulder found by your tears,
    is just a scream you cannot hear.

    another favorite of mine

    Sometimes trust is broken needs,
    sometimes are better when you bleed.

    I love this one too because its true, basically people force you to loose all trust in them because of the actions that they take and the harm they cause. It may not be on purpose but the pain is still there and the hurt that they cause doesnt stop


    This poem reminds me of all the times that I wonder about life, death, my life, my actions, my feelings and the things that I could have done but didnt

    andrea




    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      well I think that this poem has potential. Your conflicting concepts were good, however life always relates to death because from the moment that we are concieved we begin to die.Also You changed tense alot in this poem I am not sure whether this is an oversight or intentional but whichever it was I found that it was distracting. i was really confused with the line " Sometimes insaness was the key, the halls of painted rooms obscene." Even it you used the word "is" instead of "was" I still don't really get it, but maybe that is just me. I think that you should keep working with this poem cuz I know that you could you could really create a stronger poem with this concept. I did like it though and I send a good job out to you.
    Rosh
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Rosh_5 | [ Reply to This ]


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