[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Sometimesdots

    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 277
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Alone
    Total Views: 1215
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1719

        This is basicly about how things in your life bring you down. Finally you feel so lost that you give up and slowly find ways to self gather. When you do find the solution or find the answer to your needs you depend on things that you thought would heal your heart and soul, but as always, it was only the stairway leading to a higher fall, a shoulder that only let your head fall and the fear of evil jest frolicking in your every tear.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Sometimes this life relates to death.
    Intombing freedom cursed with bliss.
    Sometimes this nightmare fades from dreams,
    manifested kindeled sceames.

    Sometims your purest thought is doomed,
    sometimes frustration cures the whome.
    Sometimes your heart finds love and peace,
    sometimes that love is just disease.

    Sometimes the shoulder found by your tears,
    is just a scream you cannot hear.
    Sometimes your friends seem giving share,
    sometimes those friends had never cared.

    Sometimes the saness asked by all,
    wears a mask of jesting fall.
    Sometimes the snakes play games and things,
    sometimes they slither killing names.

    Sometimes the fear that is itself,
    drains the hope of days we've delt.
    Sometimes the one's who make you feel good,
    sometimes you feel so damned confused.

    Sometimes these words I write are deep,
    sometime it was till evil creeped.
    Sometimes saddness creeps abroad,
    sometimes consumed by nothing more.

    Sometimes insaness was the key,
    the halls of painted rooms obscene.
    Sometimes you just don't understand,
    sometimes so jelous fisting hand.

    Sometimes it's just to hard to be,
    to be so happy, to feel loves free.
    Sometimes trust is broken needs,
    sometimes are better when you bleed.

    Sometimes I just can not explain,
    the deepness of my doom, my pain.
    Sometimes I wonder why I'm so alone,
    I know that sometimes never come.

    Submitted on 2006-01-18 05:34:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      First of all I want to say that this is not good at all, this piece is "Wow" amazing. I dont mean to be rude or disrespectful to the person who posted a comment here but I disagree to the fullest extent. This piece moved me and made me think. I agree with what your poem is saying and I enjoyed the repetition of the sometimes. I love that word "sometimes", your imagery is amazing and refreshing, some of the lines made me laugh. Your word choice is curious at least to me it is because it creates all this questions in my mind, what made choose them? what was going through your mind?

    Sometimes your heart finds love and peace,
    sometimes that love is just disease.

    I love this line because its true, I love it because what I've experience and seen love is mostly a disease.

    Sometimes the shoulder found by your tears,
    is just a scream you cannot hear.

    another favorite of mine

    Sometimes trust is broken needs,
    sometimes are better when you bleed.

    I love this one too because its true, basically people force you to loose all trust in them because of the actions that they take and the harm they cause. It may not be on purpose but the pain is still there and the hurt that they cause doesnt stop

    This poem reminds me of all the times that I wonder about life, death, my life, my actions, my feelings and the things that I could have done but didnt


    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      well I think that this poem has potential. Your conflicting concepts were good, however life always relates to death because from the moment that we are concieved we begin to die.Also You changed tense alot in this poem I am not sure whether this is an oversight or intentional but whichever it was I found that it was distracting. i was really confused with the line " Sometimes insaness was the key, the halls of painted rooms obscene." Even it you used the word "is" instead of "was" I still don't really get it, but maybe that is just me. I think that you should keep working with this poem cuz I know that you could you could really create a stronger poem with this concept. I did like it though and I send a good job out to you.
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Rosh_5 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    This written by Chelebel
    Incubus written by monad
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]