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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bizznatchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 744
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 629



    Description:
       I don't know...there was no creative poem process with this one...just wrote what came out of my head...so it's real, except the part about the pony...he actually stands for something else :P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBizznatchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    don't touch my pony
    when I brought him home he was not for you
    my mom and dad are screaming again
    sillies
    they don't know that they love each other
    or maybe they don't
    who cares
    I can't sleep when they're so loud
    I can't dream and think of my wonderful pony
    because I am still scared that something bad might happen
    and even in this place I am alone
    and even here I am not safe
    but maybe I will be
    I just want it all to go away
    or be Friday so I can go horseack riding
    metaphors are crazy dawg




    Submitted on 2006-01-18 07:43:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I replaced the word pony with the word pooty, as Raivn said to.
    It really does change the meaning of it all.

    I liked this poem a lot too. It was very...vivid, and surreal. I could see all of it in my head...
    Good job!
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      HA! HA! Woah...the title...thats something a friend of mine says a lot, HA! What a co-inky-dink!
    Anyway, just had to read it because of that. Not really too sure how to critique random rambling writes, because...well, ya cant. They are just wholesome expressions of the writer and I always find them interesting. Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought you said you saw a poem that was written like this, not you wrote one yourself... Are you out of your mind? It's crazy, but I kinda like it. I like the first line the best. Don't touch my pony. Like don't touch my pooty. But different. If you inserted pooty everywhere that pony is supposed to be, it would change the meaning entirely... That would be cool
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Perhaps this pony was your man or love? It doesn't really matter what's going on around you - if you can be centered in yourself - then others drama doesn't affect you.
    Good!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Jaz
    you were right this is real life and you told it realisticallly
    with nice metaphors ;)
    nice real write
    John
    x
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]


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