[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Bizznatchdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 786
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 629

       I don't know...there was no creative poem process with this one...just wrote what came out of my head...so it's real, except the part about the pony...he actually stands for something else :P

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    don't touch my pony
    when I brought him home he was not for you
    my mom and dad are screaming again
    they don't know that they love each other
    or maybe they don't
    who cares
    I can't sleep when they're so loud
    I can't dream and think of my wonderful pony
    because I am still scared that something bad might happen
    and even in this place I am alone
    and even here I am not safe
    but maybe I will be
    I just want it all to go away
    or be Friday so I can go horseack riding
    metaphors are crazy dawg

    Submitted on 2006-01-18 07:43:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I replaced the word pony with the word pooty, as Raivn said to.
    It really does change the meaning of it all.

    I liked this poem a lot too. It was very...vivid, and surreal. I could see all of it in my head...
    Good job!
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      HA! HA! Woah...the title...thats something a friend of mine says a lot, HA! What a co-inky-dink!
    Anyway, just had to read it because of that. Not really too sure how to critique random rambling writes, because...well, ya cant. They are just wholesome expressions of the writer and I always find them interesting. Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought you said you saw a poem that was written like this, not you wrote one yourself... Are you out of your mind? It's crazy, but I kinda like it. I like the first line the best. Don't touch my pony. Like don't touch my pooty. But different. If you inserted pooty everywhere that pony is supposed to be, it would change the meaning entirely... That would be cool
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Perhaps this pony was your man or love? It doesn't really matter what's going on around you - if you can be centered in yourself - then others drama doesn't affect you.
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Jaz
    you were right this is real life and you told it realisticallly
    with nice metaphors ;)
    nice real write
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Fasade written by jackz
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]