Lynch Me A Winner by Ace

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Submission Name: Lynch Me A Winner dots

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Author:	Ace
ASL Info:	17/m/In Hell
Elite Ratio:	4.1 - 305/337/56
Words:	75

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	245
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	515

Description:
had to make this for my teacher and this is what i came up with.

Lynch Me A Winner dots

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The consequences
Of my actions
Only depict my own,
Self abuse, just betray it.

The maturity
I've lost in the years
Dies with my self control,
Drug abuse, I only portray it.

Childish behavior
Is shown from the childhood
I never had,
Just abuse, I know its bad.

Lynch me
For my manhood is
The winner today,
Just lynch me, what can i say.

Come Lynch The Winner Today-

Submitted on 2006-01-18 12:42:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Oh wow I really liked this. As usual James, great writing. I hate doing stuff for teachers though. >_< But this is really good.
| Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]
  It didn't really appeal to me either. It had some qualities but I got lost towards the end. I'm interested in knowing why you said you lost maturity over the years. Also, why did you use the word lynch?
| Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Midnight_Rose | [ Reply to This ]
  Honestly I doesn't appeal to me. I get what your saying about the awkwardness of being an adult, but immaturity slipping through. But it was hard to grasp it, it's sort of worded weird, as in your

"just betray it",

betray what exactly?

Then you talk about drugs and abuse and drugs, suddenly interjecting with, lynching.
Perhaps I am being a bit biased, but lynching was horrible, and in this piece, it seems a bit.. blase. But maybe I was just expecting it to be different from the title you put up there. Lynching is a pretty powerful subject, (not that your words aren't powerful). I think you have a good idea here, I mean really good, but the whole thing just seems to be slapped together destruction.

I suggest (not saying you have to) you work on it more and elaborate. It really has potential.
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]
  I think that lynch just like you saying kill, or destroy, so in that sense,
it dosen't seem very original.
even though I feel the same way...
I think part of being a writer is finding new ways t o say the same old tired ones, yet still, they sound like you as an individual..
It was alright. I mean the title obviously caught the eye,

but I'm going to agree with you about the childish behaviour only resulting in immaturity around us, like, we were raised in such a way...

Yea. That's pretty much all I have to say.
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a pretty sad poem..Do you need some candy? All silliness aside, I can feel the pain you're portaying, but this comment guide says I have to be honest, so here goes. This was a great poem and it deserves a good rating, but in this poem, I feel someone who is feeling sorry for themselves and that kind of poetry is never very appealing. It's a great poem, other than the self-pity, but good job anyway.
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by RockerRomeo | [ Reply to This ]
  Lynch you eh...well...not sure if I can do that...I don't want to be the one to destroy your manhood...

This was really good. I could feel a lot of the pain in this...but at the same time...I can see that even though you cry for help...you can overcome the situation as long as you can find a way to cope with it.

This was good!

Li Li
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really good. I like how you had the repetition on the end (I'm sorry I can't spell today).
The only thing I can suggest is that you capitalize the *i*s that appear in the middle of your stanzas simply because you capitalized the ones at the beginning.

>>>Childish behavior
Is shown from the childhood
I never had,
Just abuse, i know its bad.<<<

I can really relate to that part...So it's my favourite...If this is a true story I'm sorry you had to go through this.

Keep Writing
-Caribou-
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]

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