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Author: shygirl
ASL Info:    16/f/ok
Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 71 /54 /14
Words: 40
Class/Type: Deep Thought /
Total Views: 892
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 252


this poem is odd it dicribes alot of how i feel and other wierd things that happen in my life. well ok i will mabey read you later....


too odd is this world,
too mean are the people
crule with dispare,
here know one cares.

As pain is the game.
They suffer with shame,
and are the deaths.
You sould know the rest.

Submitted on 2006-01-18 13:28:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Okay, first off, here are some minor mispelled words to correct:to=too

when writing a small poem, keep in mind that well writing is key...or else other people will point out the visible errors.
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with the message in this poem about how the world seems 'odd' and the people are 'mean' but I think you need to improve how you wrote it. It needs more description and it would be good if you backed up what makes the people of this world 'mean' and what makes things 'odd'. You don't even have to say the people are 'mean' instead you can hint at it with your words. I think this could made your poem more affective.
| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Seele | [ Reply to This ]

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