Description: The first "We Belong Together" was written on May 7, 2005. To me, this isn't that much of a poem. It wasn't written for anyone...yes it was, one of my exes. I must be trippin. But I just wanna see what y'all think.
We Belong Together 1 -------------------------------------------
When we lost contact,
A part of you stayed in me.
My head was saying someone else,
But my heart was saying you,
Cause the other girl was no good.
Now I go crazy about you.
Our hearts and minds are saying,
That we belong together.
I'm not quite sure what to say about this one. It seems too short but then again at the same time it doesn't. I think you could probably add a little more and maybe that would make it better. Yea now that I think about it a little more details would be good and make this better. This is a sweet write though. I think you have a part two I believe that I will check out and see now.
uhmmmm this is short and...different. I dunno what to say. I guess it was good but I usually don't like short poems so I may not be of much assistance but for the lenght it was good. Maybe you should think about lengthening it or something. I duno maybe I'll read part two but so far it OK.
Actually, I like this one better. But, I think the two of them would be even better, if you were to put them into one bigger poem (and the third part that I can't seem to find anywhere on your page) to make it a little less tedious to read, and maybe link them all together more smoothly. Also, maybe to make it flow more like a poem you could limit the sylables on each line, but that doesn't always mean you have to.
By the way, my name probably sounds familiar because I believe you added one other song of mine to your favorites list. I believe it was my song "Going."
Thanks for the comments, and hope my comment helps you improve your writing. Nice write.
hm, short and sweet... Not bad! Yeah, this is pretty good, especially for a love poem, which sometimes are hard to write, read and like. I haev to be honest, it's pretty cool for such a short poem.
I like this. It is short but it is to the point. The only thing I could see needing to be changed is this part, "Now I go crazy about you", should be, "Now I am crazy about you". To me, that would sound better. Other than that the write is to the point. You lost contact with the one you desired to be with most. You tried to let got but you couldn't. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't let go. Your mind told you on a daily get someone else. Your heart said get the one you desire. Now you are going crazy because you yearn to hear her voice but you do not have any form of contact. I feel you lil pimpin. The pain is crucial!
Submission Name: We Belong Together 1
