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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Reject (rewrite)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Rant/Depressed
    Total Views: 860
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1847



    Description:
       Please comment...it will mean the world to me...
    this was written...with Mother in mind...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReject (rewrite)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Parts of me
    were secured inside
    a locked box
    in the corner
    of an empty room.

    Essential parts
    creased and folded,
    like an oragami puzzle.
    Memories deliberately
    rearranged and suppressed,
    or tucked and hidden
    far from reach...
    far from view.

    Even sequential pieces
    were insignificantly
    cast aside,
    beyond the box,
    behind the curtains
    that concealed
    a very well organized
    and private stage...

    The perfect play.

    Sketched with props
    and jewelry, costumes
    and make-up.
    All for the talented
    Leading Lady,
    who flawlessly
    performed her role,
    and skillfully
    memorized her lines
    from pages of lies
    and chapters
    of deceipt.

    Behind the scenes,
    a shrewd drama
    well rehearsed.
    Scheming a clever
    diversion for my mind.

    Rewriting my story...
    changing my words...
    turning my pages,
    between the sheets
    of her own hard
    bound cover.

    Reflections
    of my own actions
    reveal thoughts
    of subdued rage.

    A tongue of bitter anger
    that often tasted
    the lips of insanity.

    A wounded heart
    echoing silence
    while ears searched
    in the dark
    for unwritten lines.

    Hands endlessly
    groping to remove
    the Mask of Truth
    that exposed
    my worthlessness,
    and unveiled
    my shame.

    Casting everything aside
    she bows for her applause
    to an unknown audience.
    The scene is done...
    the play is over...
    the curtain...
    drawn.




    Submitted on 2006-01-18 22:20:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know if I'm misreading this but your mother seems like a very shallow and overly self-conscious demon to your life. I feel the anguish she caused with her rewrites, expecting you to fulfill some role foreign to you, fit the nitch she relegated you to. "Hands endlessly groping to remove the Mask of Truth that exposed
    my worthlessness, and unveiled my shame. I could cry. I have a friend whose mother still treats her this way. Trying to degrade and make her feel worthless……..expose her shame. My friend is a good person and doesn't deserve this crass static. She cries on my shoulder and I get mad but mom's an alcoholic and pretty much unreachable, playing out her audience in her mind. This really resonates with me, if I got it all wrong I'm sorry but thats how I saw it.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2014-02-04 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      One reason i love this, it protrays Edgar Allen Poe very much in this. I think it ws very good. I think i heard a quote very close to this "The world is a stage, and the people are it's characters" I can't remember the rest of the quote though, but it is very much like this. It just says that life is just like a play. Things could happen and go wrong, in a play you could forget a line, in life you can also make a mistake. Then the quote talks about everyone has an enterance and an exit and a person will play many different roles during that time.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      I seriously think that if Edar Allen Poe was alive he would bow to your skill.I liked it.Your writing is below the surface of lifes illusion that no one notices cause they are too busy being selfish and unapreciative.Instead of reading a person and thier words you read thier shadow and heartbeat.I love your writing.
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      Many years ago I was looking out my back door into the yard and my daughter was there. I believe she may have been about seven/eight around there. She was a ballerina, dancing and swinging her arms as she made herself dizzy from all the spinning. That scene popped into my mind on the last stanza. She dizzily stopped and bowed to her unknown audience of one.
    She turned red, smiled, and ran away to cry, I just found out she cried after she left. All along in her heart she wanted to be a dancer, we never knew that.
    You see even as parents we sometimes do not see all the preparations before the final act and the curtain is drawn. What might be in a sweet childs fantasies, hidden away by the hard bound cover!
    Great write, this made me think on many things, amazing is it not how words affect us.
    later
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      It snowballed very well, at splattered at the base of the hill in a way that left me wanting to ride again not thanking the lord i survived LOL it was a good piece to be done as prose, i definitely would love to hear it read and watch it performed.
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by Atrip187 | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually didn't except to read all of it when I saw how long it was. But once I started I didn't feel like stop.

    I don't know what it is, but this has a certain quality feel to it. The words may be simple, but it feels like something, I can't quite put my finger on it at the moment.

    Then ending, closing the words like a curtain, was a nice touch!

    one little mistake I noticed: orugami, it's oragami, just misplaced an a with a u.
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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