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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secretdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chicool2
    ASL Info:    17/f/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 266/260/60
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 860
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 694



    Description:
       Well it should explain itself, I suppose, I really can't tell this person this though, because I already know the reply I do not want to hear....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecretdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's something
    Needing to be told
    That I haven't had the
    Courage to speak
    And let you know

    You don't know how
    It pains me everyday
    You can't see past my
    Deep brown eyes
    Full of mysteries
    And dreams of you
    Spending your time
    To think about me

    The truth
    I hate to admit
    Is that you can't look
    Past brown darkness
    And into my heart

    The secret that lies
    Within this
    Is that I've been
    In love with you
    Since the Moment
    I first saw you








    Submitted on 2006-01-19 15:58:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very nicely said
    You spoke from the Heart and your message is well pointed out
    I like how you structured this write
    You kept it simple but with real heartfelt emotion
    Excellent
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      good work.. i think it's good but in the first stanza you should lose the up.. it doesnt fit right.

    and in the second to last stanza you use the eye metophor again.. it's good.. and needed.. but it sits oddly with the other eye thing up there two.. just a little bit of working yuo can make it work..

    other than that i think it's great

    flipside
    milo stills
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by milo stills | [ Reply to This ]


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    88111

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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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