This has good potential for a song. A sad, broken-hearted, lonesome sort of write. You get the message across well in this, which is good. Maybe in removing the "uneccessary words" it would read/sound better? Such as in the first and second verses/stanzas...
*You held my heart in your hands my hope in your eyes held me so close I couldn't see the lies
I wanted so badly to believe all you said to believe that true love could still be had* < just an example.
This is a very well written write where you share the story of a love scorned Its really sad how someone can take control of our Hearts and walk all over them Stomping on it as they walk away from our Love I have been in this situation before and I understand what you are saying Very nicely done God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
these lyrics,they bring back memories of how i felt just only last month. this guy, he wanted me to be happy and so he lied about loving me. i really like the third stanza:
"And now my tears fall like rain a glimmer of sun here and there the memory of your smile and all the time you use to spare"
i cried so much that it felt it was raining. there were times thsat i managed a smile, that was when i was with my friends (it was school holidays then) and when i wasn't thinking about him. yes his smile, i loved remembering it. his smile was so special to me. before he pretended to love me, he would spend lots of time with me. but now i don't get to talk to him much, and we don't say much either. i was leaning on his shoulder and i couldn't even see the lies. a good read
Excellent write. I love the rythem, and it most certianly reminds me of something i have lived. I am strongly against even the idea of lies. So you can just imagine how much I like these lyrics. Beautiful...
Submission Name: I couldn't see the lies
