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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Arrows at the Sundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: giventofly
    ASL Info:    19/M/Seattle, Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 74/75/27
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1486
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 713



    Description:
       It seems as though anyone who aims for dreams too high or lofty will inevitably have his spirit broken, not by the the loss of what he hoped to achieve, but his own guilt and sentiments of disparaging worthlessness which crops up from within... no where else.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArrows at the Sundots
    -------------------------------------------


    A man can stand on his own
    And live for who he is
    And die for who he was
    And become immortal

    Betrothed to everything he believes
    Everything he dreams
    And bringing others into his world
    All for that infantís cause

    He will live and strive
    For what exists only in his mind

    All the while the muscles give way
    And the skin is worn through
    The wrists are torn from fletching that guides
    His misery

    His delusion is treacherous

    To aim at dreams of sky
    That gleam in eyes of innocence
    Is letting arrows fly at the sun
    That pierce only their archer




    Submitted on 2006-01-19 16:21:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem. It is unique and worded very well. It describes such a feeling of disappointment, or perhaps, failure very well. Your point here is very good, goals that are realisticly unattainable should by discouraged only because they will only bring about failure and a negative reflection on one's self. However, if one never takes a risk, takes that chance, one may spend years of life wondering what could have been. That alone is tragic. I always say to 'reach for the stars' so to speak, this life is about taking risks, taking chances, and hoping for the best, just make sure you bring along the realistic point of view so that the disappointment can be handled constructively rather than negatively. Anyway, I like this poem. It's well written and expressed and I love the last stanza. It's perfect! Nice work.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      A man can stand on his own
    And live for who he is
    And die for who he was
    And become immortal

    . . . . .

    He will live and strive
    For what exists only in his mind


    I like these words. Why care for the thoughts and existence of the world when the only thing we should be focused on satisfying is our own mind- ourselves. He can only be immortal in his mind, and if there is such a thing as lingering spirits, than that too should know the greatness a man once felt when he accomplished something the world said he never would.
    But. ..
    We, ourselves, can only hope to make our story a memorable history. Only others can keep our accomplishments and dreams from fading within time. I guess what I am trying to say is that, as immortal as we may feel at that moment in time, like your poem says, we will falter in the end 'less we write ourselves in history (or they write us).
    Still yet, I think to die feeling undefeated makes all the difference becasue then it shouldn't matter what the rest do with our accomplishments, b/c we know the truth.

    Betrothed to everything he believes

    I thought this was a wonderful verse as well. There's an indirect mentioning to faith--- a man's faith, rather it is religously or any other form. To believe---can that really make all the difference. For me, I find myself confused as to where my faith lies. . . do I believe in God, of course, but at times that too, falters and I question. But I also believe in Reincarnation (A form of Buddhism and Hinduism)- is that wrong.
    I don't know, I like this particulary part because 1) it makes me think and 2) it hits a part of me-- of who I am and makes me question what I believe. . . Maybe when I slow down, I'll find part of the answer--- 'til then you've managed to open a mystery of mine even wider than before.

    As to your poem, I thought it was thought provoking. "Arrows at the Sun"--- vEry good title. In a strange reality, I think the title almost gives the same vibe as the write. ARrows could possibly mean one of two different things. Arrows-our minds shooting for our dreams that rest withing the sun. Arrows- we are the sun, the sun is our dreams and the arrows are our mortal souls and society painfully pulling us further from our dreams. Something like that. I know it may sound a bit obscured, but yeah.

    Nonetheless, I enjoyed the poem immensely.
    Good job
    -stacey M.-
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate to this especially as to some stanzas. You seem to be expressing that a person that live perfectly well on his own devoid of love and finding comfort in the things that makes one feel passion or oneís dreams for that matter ... dunno I'm finding hard to describe the feelings that this write instils in me.

    I had the impression that you wanted to show hope some through this... that's how I took the arrows ... I thought that they denoted feeling of hope which is - to me - interspersed with a dispiriting sensation, so to speak particularly taking into account the last line which had a piercing like effect on me.

    As for critiques Iíd like to see punctuation so as to be mindful where the emphasis was put.

    Quite unique and uplifting imagery.

    Like this very much.

    Kind regards

    Ethan.

    Ps: great title :)
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      The delusions of a man convinced his reality exists (and who, therefore, must aim at the unattainable to prove himself more than a child; even as his flesh wears away in the process)? Or the convictions of a warrior who realizes he has no allies, only detractors, and one bright shining truth? The strength of this write lies in its ambiguity in the midst of these opposing truths. A very thought provoking write. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really awesome. I especially liked the last stanza, and it was very sad. I think if I used my poetry analyzing skills here, he is trying to work for someone else. His dream is to make a child, or his child happy, and he's struggling for it, and he's struggling, and he ended up dying, and I say again that I especially loved the final stanza, because it is true, and the use of imagery is really special here. It makes me think of the rays of the sun bouncing back off of you. Anywho, I think that this is really amazingly written, and I would love to read mpre from you.
    Peace and love,
    Aya
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]


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