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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The unalloweddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Star
    ASL Info:    15 F WI
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 125/127/42
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 852
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1158



    Description:
       Umm yea well this all happened when my boyfriend and i were on a break but i still felt guilty. Its pretty much just thoughts so give me your input


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe unalloweddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Betrayl....
    The word traveled through
    my mind as him and I kissed.
    Thoughts of you covered my vision.
    The knowledge of what I was
    doing was there, yet I cared not,
    because if it weren't for you, I would
    never have done this.

    Revenge....
    flashed into my mind.
    Thats not the person
    I care to be, yet I
    couldnt help it.
    Hurt rippled through
    my body as I recalled
    our last conversation...
    Traveling hands pull me
    from these thoughts.
    I look up to him and smile
    yet how could I with these
    thoughts running within my mind?
    He was there and there had
    still been a feeling left from
    a time before when it had
    been just me and him,
    an unfinished talks we had
    wished to complete......

    Kissing and touching was
    as far as we went though.
    Thank god.
    I dont think I
    could've lived with those
    thoughts torturing me.
    As I sit here I know loving
    you may not be enough
    Do I tell or keep it to myself?




    Submitted on 2006-01-19 20:42:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      whoa... that was some deep emotions in those words. Keep it coming! despite the unhappy mood of the poem, seeing this good of poetry makes me feel happy.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by L0RIN | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    Good write. The emotion was there. I'm not that good on advice though, srry. I like the way it flowed.

    *Let it Flow*
    Raven
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      I did enjoy this. I liked the optimistic feeling...like yeah this is what happend but I realize it could have been so much worse. It's nice.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by sandaledfeet | [ Reply to This ]
      i really loved this. i loved how u did the betrayal and revenge thing. awesome job. i am sorry you had to go through something like that though.

    *Crytsal*
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by lashelle | [ Reply to This ]
      yes, i could've totally related to this poem acouple months back. being in situations like that can suck. but you learn from it, or sometimes something good can come from it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by shotxgunxsinner | [ Reply to This ]
      Good job..I liked it. I liked how u let it sort of trail off and then ended with a question. its dramatic and emotional...great job
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by mysweetsuicide | [ Reply to This ]
      Lovely.Good point.Upon the highest hopes, there are always regrets and dreams.I liked how you showed the unknown love feelings caught in a circle.

    D` Alin
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by DAlin | [ Reply to This ]


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