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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Armisticedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: giventofly
    ASL Info:    19/M/Seattle, Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 74/75/27
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1076
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 623



    Description:
       This poem is meant to expose in us, in all of us, the shame that comes with greif. The way we will take something bad, horrible, gruesome, and deathdealing, and misuse it. Put it before us like a shield and hide behind it like the cowards it turns us into. Then, when we've done all we can to give a rhyme to our dysfunction, and the miserable protectorate is finally depleted, we are somehow forced to fall into the love that we missed and longed for, and it can kill us. It kills us because we've forgotten who to be, who we were before we found and cloaked ourselves with that shroud of sorrow.

    ...and as always, give me the unadulterated truth about your opinion


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArmisticedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The time has come, my brothers,
    The dawn of peace is upon us.
    Combat with the very souls that drive us.

    A fearsome war
    Innumerable casualties...

    This era is ending.

    It takes a man to admit defeat,
    But more to succumb to victiory.

    Jealous of the past;
    There used to be a good reason.

    Now, love destroys us
    And sadness, once harbored,
    gives way to treason.

    All that remains:
    The dog who returns to his vomit.

    Now we all must face who we are

    Inside.




    Submitted on 2006-01-19 21:47:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is good, I would change "Combat" also...and there is a typo on "victory", but aside from these things I like the poem for sure.

    When reading it I see it as more like an oration, someone reading it to me, like a general, a professor or something similar.

    what can i say i'm weird.

    well done.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      Very strong and powerful a piece. I think it was an extreme attempt to convey how you feel towards what happens to people after bereavement or an experienced of that sort.

    It sounded as if you were so disgusted by this that you could breath ... suffocated perhaps.

    As to critiques... well... I didn't think "combat” flows with the beat all too well. Maybe a different word could be more suitable. And you made a typo in line eight.

    Complex yet rewarding piece.

    Keep writing,

    Best wishes.

    Ethan.

    Ps: I do agree with the “reasonable period of mourning” that was pointed out earlier.

    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      So you see grief as an abdication of reason that robs us of dignity and initiates the pendulum swing that transports us from irrational joy to irreducible defeat? Actually, your description yielded more info on your philosophy than the write itself. I agree under certain circumstances mass quantities of grief rob us of initiative (like Romero's zombies), but a reasonable period of mourning, for whatever reason, is essential. An interesting write. Welcome aboard the ES express. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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