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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: leavesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beth freese
    ASL Info:    18.F.Earth
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 74/113/39
    Words: 43
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 879
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 268



    Description:
       i love fall...i dunno why but i wrote this. it was a bit ago when i wrote it so either it was just got an idea or i don't remember why. anywho i like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsleavesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    as if falling from the tree
    wasn't hard enough
    you have to go and crunch
    them into the cold unwilling cement
    and watch their reminents
    be wisked away by the wind
    as you stand waiting
    for the next victim.




    Submitted on 2006-01-19 22:26:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds a bit like kicking a down and out derelict(detached as a leaf and completely defenseless), though it's doubtful you intended such sadism on the part of the person crushing the leaf. It seems more likely the gentle rebuke in this write is motivated by the wistfulness associated with the passage of the growing season into the dormancy of fall and winter. This write is light as a wind blown feather (or leaf). Nicely done. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite interesting
    I felt a sense of sadness for the Leaves reading this
    Yes they to are Living breathing creatures
    If you look at a leave you can see there very veins
    A leaf that has fallen from a tree is still very much alive
    I really liked how you showed the Leaf has life with this one
    Well Written
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      HA! HA! This was cool. I like crunching leaves too...HA! Hey, why not help nature along a bit, ya know?

    Very good, but I can see how tweaking it and getting rid of some certain words would make it alot tighter. But the visuals are already there and thats cool beans man!
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice AUTUMN-y picture.
    A gentle reproach...
    And yet I picture the objects of that reproach as young children, playing in the carpet of leaves, squealing with delight as they crunch and kick the leaves about...
    From the leaves' point of view, perhaps one last act of giving back to the world before they become...compost.

    Thank you for a well written, thought provoking poem!

    Psyve
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]
      short and sweet, I love it. Sometimes people spend to many words trying to get their message acorss, this is one of the reasons why I like your poem so much. You paint a great scene and a powerful feeling with only so many words. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by StevenJay | [ Reply to This ]


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