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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blinded/Dreams of Glassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bleeding-soul
    ASL Info:    17/m/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 94/94/14
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 741
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 753



    Description:
       I just wanted people to know that even though I appear happy most of the time, that I have to deal with wounds that won't seem to heal


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlinded/Dreams of Glassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My pain spreads like ivy
    It spreads like disease
    It shatters my dreams made out of glass
    It drops me to my knees

    Now my knees are bleeding
    A different kind of pain
    The gush of blood is slightly nice
    A little pleasure to gain

    The one thought of tomorrow
    Takes away that little pleasure
    Stepping on glass as the day goes by
    This is the path I endeavour

    My high hopes of redemption
    Leaves my soul cold and bare
    If the grass was blue and the sky was green
    I don't think I'd care

    Or perhaps I wouldn't notice
    Blinded by my pain
    Everything lost and stolen
    Nothing given or gained




    Submitted on 2006-01-20 09:40:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Your poems are like extremely good and with most of them I can relate too. This one I don't relate with but I love the flow and the wording. It's great and as far as I can see theres nothing wrong with it.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      What am I going to do with you? You have made me want to stop commenting all together because it seems like every other poem I look at of yours is good and the rest terrible!

    I like this one a lot though. Only because I love the idea. Theres a part where you say:

    "If the grass was blue and the sky was green"

    I would have said it like this:

    "The grass deepened into ocean blue, and skies made of drowning earth."

    Something like that, I would have given more thought into it, but you get the idea... and it would have messed the verses up a little but a good writer can squeeze it in, as long as they love what was odd about it.

    Anyways, I think I'm done posting, please post me back... feel free to [censored] me out, I know you want to.

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      this was really good. im adding it to my favs because especially on the description is usually what stuff is about and whatnot. i really like :

    Now my knees are bleeding
    A different kind of pain
    The gush of blood is slightly nice
    A little pleasure to gain


    i thought that was rather cool.
    well im glad i got to read this

    -BleedingTears
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty awesome. I really liked the rhythm of the first stanza... and you used one of my favorite and most used rhyme schemes. Very good write.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved it Steven! The rhyme scheme was wonderful, there was not a cliché rhyme to be found. (Cliche lines seem to be popping up in everyones poetry lately, I am glad you haven't fallen into that trap.)
    This poem made me a bit sad also. It is a sad concept to think of you all on your knees and on glass...Well...you know that we all loves you Steven. and this was a beautiful poem.
    [I notice that, as of now, 5 people have veiwed this poem, and 5 people have commented. That is hard to come by lately.]
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this! It was so caught up in emotion and pain. This is a beautiful piece of writing. You are very talented, and I think that you should enter this into a contest of some sort to win some money because I am alomst positive that you would win, I am really lookin forward to reading more of your work, so please keep writing!
    Alyssa
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      If the grass was blue, I would be so excited. Blue is a prettier color than green. We should paint everything purple. I like the first line, My pain spread like ivy, cause not only is ivy sneaky, it's very pretty. Pretty pain. You know what's awful though? Kudzu. If your pain spread like kudzu, there'd bo no getting rid of the sh*t. Hey, I like that. I'm gonna write a poem about kudzu. Thanks, Steven! In seriousness, though, I like it a lot. I just have to write crazy stuff to take up space...
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      This is amazing, you pack so much emotion and visuals in here that I'm sure anyone could relate. To be weighed down by emtional pain that physical is a relief and you can't see any thing but that. The Rhyme and flow is awsome and your emton touches my heart your a writer to watch, you have alot of talent!
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi, there is only one person this is about, it’s Cinderella, no?

    "The one thought of tomorrow
    Takes away that little pleasure
    Stepping on glass as the day goes by
    This is the path I endeavor"
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]


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