Description: ok, this needas alot of help, that's why i'm sending it to u. also please help with the title. i know it suckz. lots sa love n thanks. so any suggestions?
Pebbles and love -------------------------------------------
Sitting home alone
Waiting by the phone
Watching the rain come down
Watching the sand turn dark brown
Walking into the rain
Feeling my heartache drain
Gotten from the pain of rejection
With the feeling of humiliation
Hearing the crunch of gravel
Somewhat muffled by the sand
Coming slowly towards me
3 pebbles in your hand
This is for the 'I'
This is for my 'love'
This is for 'you' baby
My blessing from above
The direction this piece is going is good in way of the imagery. I think a lot more can be done with this. It's too simple. Word usage and description are important. You either want the reader to see vividly what you are portraying or you want them to feel it, best case, you want both.
It works. it's a little vague but it does have an original theme almost like throwing stones across the plains of water. it's different metaphor then the usually flower petal pulling i really enjoyed this piece.
Submission Name: Pebbles and love
