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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Room Of Broken Tapestriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 321
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 2068
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2255



    Description:
       Hmmm... don't really know if I can desbribe this clearly. I guess it's just an observation on the human condition. It seems like I'm talking to someone doesn't it? All my poems seem conversational, is that a bad thing? Anyway, this is my first submission to this website so tell me what you think!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Room Of Broken Tapestriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Repetitive... I whisper
    Into your ear I try.
    Sweet words with no meaning
    Are all we utter,
    But they are irrelevant,
    Because we donít listen anyway.

    Emotion... that grandiose idea
    For the hopeless.
    We try to obtain it,
    But it slips through our fingers
    Like the blood we spill
    To reach it,
    To hold it
    Is all we want.

    Love... hate
    It all means nothing.
    When we are together
    They are not far from reach.
    We wrap our minds
    And our bodies,
    To intertwine with emotion,
    All in the physicality
    Of the soul,
    And the water vapor.

    Corporeal...the things we feel
    And yet we see nothing with our eyes.
    Feeling our way through life,
    Stimulated by sensory
    That does not exist.
    But yet we sense it,
    That ever present
    Non existent
    Thing
    Called love,
    Often mistaken
    And misleading in itís course.
    It weaves a broken tapestry,
    With no design.

    Life... death
    All shown in this room.
    This room of emotion,
    A place of birth.
    Where ideas are begun
    And snuffed out like candles,
    But no one misses them anyway.
    So I sit all alone
    With this needle in my hand,
    Trying to weave
    But I canít hold still,
    And I keep stabbing myself.

    Blood...the proof of life
    But what does it prove?
    It shows nothing
    But our faults
    And all our misgivings.
    But thatís all we are anyway.
    A collection of pieces,
    Scrambled
    Disorderly.
    We try to make the jigsaw work
    And we end up with nothing
    But a picture of a tree
    And half of a face.
    So we give up
    And we leave our work
    Unfinished.
    Just like the world we live in.

    Unraveled...is the state of the times
    But we keep on weaving
    Like our fathers before.
    No matter how many stains
    We leave upon the carpet.
    No matter how many scars
    Appear on our wrists.









    Submitted on 2004-04-28 17:14:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. This was incredible! You really captured the essence of life, if that makes sense. I don't even know how to really comment on this, other than it was really incredible! Are you really only sixteen? How long have you been writing?
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      wow!! this is INCREDIBLE!! far out! im in awe of this poem, of your writing skills and thoughts... in awe!
    where to begin... wow! i love the first stanza...
    'But they are irrelevant,
    Because we donít listen anyway.'
    the first stanza is almost a summary of the whole poem and then it gets broken down into life and death etc and then brought back together at the end with but still we keep on doing it no matter how pointless it is and how much pain it causes... this is AMAZING!! i gotta check more of you out!!
    | Posted on 2004-05-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      OKAY PEOPLE!! I tried to fix the comma storm and I hope you like my new and improved punctuation. tell me if it's wrong!! (you love to anyway!!)
    | Posted on 2004-05-07 00:00:00 | by ACircuitShock | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how you broke your ideas in separate sections yet all combine to one main central theme of hopelessness. the transitions are smooth and complimentary to the paragraph before. i really enjoyed this poem, agree comma mania but its alright i hate granmmer anyway. peace kevin
    | Posted on 2004-05-06 00:00:00 | by kjb | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the metaphor of a tapestry, and the way you unravel it piece by piece. Nothingness...the idea is almost an unknown to me. I enjoyed reading the beautiful picture you painted. Or should it be the tapestry you wove?
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by Wonder Passing | [ Reply to This ]
      came back to check your punctuation... there IS this one part you need to fix... nah, i'm just messing with ya -- it reads easier now.. thank you for taking the suggestiongs!!!
    -dandan
    | Posted on 2004-05-08 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful job..i love the thought of the tapestry, it was cool, but i do agree with ashes in the fact that your thoughts are a bit scattered, i had a hard time following it in parts and had to read it a couple times, but that probably had to do with its length too..overall, its a great poem and i love it
    | Posted on 2004-04-29 00:00:00 | by mandyshay07 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful... I don't think it sounds like you're talking to yourself at all. Oh, it is lovely, flowing and graceful. Gorgeous :) welcome to elite!
    | Posted on 2004-04-28 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      This is insightful. the line about trying to make the jigsaw work is so apt. Her's to finishign the puzzle.
    | Posted on 2004-04-28 00:00:00 | by Athalia | [ Reply to This ]


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    8823

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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