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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Emerald Emotiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PsychoBabble214
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 103/109/29
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Misc
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1167



    Description:
       ....well...i'm trying some new things...just tell me what you think...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmerald Emotiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    I believe that if my emotions and feelings were to have a color, they'd be the color of emeralds. A dark, toxic looking color, so deep that one could get lost just merely gazing as they passed. A clear, stopped bottle lies inside of me. Made up of sharp angles and piercing edges. The poison curls about itself, wrapping a thousand times around into a spiral. Are they angry? I'm unsure if I should be afraid, although something inside that lyes far away from this bottle tells me to run. But how can I run from something hidden deep within my body? I can't, and I refuse to even attempt. Uncorking this bottle would mean to admit I'm human. Admit the errors of myself and others. Imperfection of the perfect, truth to the ears that hear only lies. How could I torment myself so? Is this really what's best? Emerald emotion, being bottled up inside, so literal it's almost ironic. Can you see the irony? Because I can feel it. Emerald is hot, scalding and harsh. A thousand tiny needles playing their wicked game along my skin and into my bones. Can I truely uncork this wild emotion? Is it safe to let the Emerald loose?





    Submitted on 2006-01-20 21:28:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A very interesting view on human emotion and human feelings. I thought it was quite clever to give a colour to human emotion and to back it up as well. Personification of the bottle was interesting as well.

    What distracted me from the piece was that it was all in one paragraph which made me repeat the previous lines (say two lines). I suggest seperating the piece to make it easier to read and also for a better flow. That way a theme or a point could be contemplated enough for the reader to really take in what your trying to say. I think 3 or 4 paragraphs should do it.

    OVERALL: an interesting write with a lot of potential! Needs a bit of fixing here and there.
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by The Uncanny | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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