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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Abstract Girlfrienddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: princess-india
    ASL Info:    20/femme/new orleans
    Elite Ratio:    3.59 - 11/13/6
    Words: 226
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 187
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1340



    Description:
       im so sad huh? another negelected gf poem!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbstract Girlfrienddots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the midst of your disparity, I had to find solidarity.
    Therefore, forcing me to manifest my own destiny.

    Even with your heartbeat next to me.
    Your love seemed like a voodoo hex
    Or maybe…

    My soul and my body, my body and my soul
    All yearn for you.
    My eyes for your eyes,
    My lips for your lips,
    My umm for your hmm.

    Your mere presence is never enough.
    Cuz once you’re gone I’m left yearning for more.

    This way and that way she peers, she sees.
    Yet Robert Frost ain’t no part of me.

    A dog on a leash, a parakeet in its cage.
    All describe me to the tee.
    But you… you ass.
    You’re too blind to see…
    To see that I am here by you and for you in
    Everyway imaginable.

    Some may say I’m crazy, others say its love.
    But I know for this man whom I place amongst others above.
    I will sit and wait in the midst of your cloud of ambiguousness.
    For the day you will realize that I am your shoulder to lean on,
    Your sea of forgetfulness, your refugee from the storm;
    Your love, your life, your queen.

    But your neglect, missed phone calls, and flat out ignorance has made me your
    Abstract Girlfriend.




    Submitted on 2006-01-21 04:41:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the title,
    I love the line "My umm for your hmm" and I really enjoyed most of this piece up until the "you ass" part. I understand why you would want to leave the poem as is, I just wonder if you could make it less direct, and more reflective. I think you should do more exploring/expanded upon the idea of the Abstract Girlfriend, that art theme. Maybe you are beyond him, too complex for him. Maybe he doesn't appreciate your creativity and beauty.
    Those were just some thoughts that came to mind in relation to the title, but I love symbols and metaphors, so I always suggest using them.
    I enjoyed reading this, and if by chance you do decide to revise it, please let me know,
    Nicely
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad sista Li Li refered me to this piece...

    abstract girlfriend...that is one hell of a wonderful way on putting into words the ignorance of a disenchanted mans view of us...

    let me know when you post more...

    I look forward to reading...

    Tink
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Uhhh...Can I get an AMEN? Dang girl...go on and tell it like it is! This was REALLY good! You have a uniqueness about you that shouldn't go overlooked! I personally would like to stand and commend you on your ability to hold a pen!

    Go girl!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it was well written but not particually original. Also there were two lines in particular that I thought were a bit akward;

    'Some may say I’m crazy, others say its love.
    But I know for this man whom I place amongst others above.'

    The second line is too long and doesn't quite fit in with the rhythm. You should consider shortening it, or lengthening the line above.
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Seele | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm liking the idea and the fantasy of going out with a person who we are not really going out with..because some time in our lives, we all do it..then feel almost bereft when we realise it was all just a dream.
    nice way of portraying it! but i dont understand why you started the poem off using "I" then used "she" then used "I" again. but i still liked it!
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by bambi144 | [ Reply to This ]
      Maybe you need to answer some vital questions... Who am I? When I think of myself, do I think of myself in relation to someone... or something? And if that someone or something were to be removed, can I stand alone and look at me and know me and be proud of me? You are real and the real you in you is waiting to be discovered and known by you. And once you know the you, you won't be Abstract Anything.
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]



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