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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Happily ever afterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tom110989
    ASL Info:    18/m/Belgium
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 35/55/21
    Words: 464
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 194
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2628



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
    A story I wrote a few days ago. I wondered how animals looked at humans. I'm not sure if it's right, it's probably more my view of some people ...
    But anyway, I hope you like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHappily ever afterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Happily ever after

    “Look at that one” One of them said.
    “Where ?” The other said.
    “There, sitting on the bench with all his fancy stuff …” The one said.
    “Yes I see him.” The other said.
    “Terrible isn’t it ?” The one said.
    “Yes it is, and they are supposed to be superior …” The other said.
    Two birds were sitting on a branch looking at the humans passing by.
    They were looking at humans and could easily tell what they were like.
    Suddenly a girl passed the birds, riding on her bike.
    “Look at her … she’s …” One of them said
    “Yes I know, she looks like a very nice person … but looks can be deceiving, let’s follow her …” The other said.
    So they followed her, flying above her while she was riding on her bike.
    She seemed to be singing a song, but they needed to fly lower, because she was singing very softly, almost whispering …
    They could hear her know, her beautiful voice singing softly:
    “I need you more than anything in my life …”
    ”I want you more than anything in my life …”
    ”I'll miss you more than anyone in my life …”
    “I love you more than anyone in my life …”
    Than she arrived at a red light and stopped, but she was still humming the song softly.
    The birds landed on a branch at the other side of the road.
    “She looks like a wonderful person …” One of them said.
    “Yes, she’s a very nice person … but she looks sad, I feel sorry for her, she deserves better …” The other said.
    The girl was staring in front of her, she was dreaming about something …
    But suddenly she looked up and noticed the two birds sitting on the branch.
    “Hello birdies … you’re cute … lucky animals …” She said.
    Than she noticed the light was green again and she continued cycling.
    “Aw, she’s adorable … a very nice person indeed.” One of them said.
    “Yeah … she’s so friendly … that smile of her could make anyone happy.” The other said.
    “I know, I’m glad we followed her.” The one said.
    “Me too.” The other replied.
    “I hope she gets what she’s looking for … or who she’s looking for.”
    “Yeah, if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s her.” The other said.
    And they flew away, singing their most beautiful song, dedicated to her.
    Almost a week after they had met the girl, the two birds were flying over the same place where they had the girl.
    And there she was again, this time sitting on a bench, but she wasn’t singing … and she wasn’t alone …
    They both lived happily ever after …




    Submitted on 2006-01-21 08:32:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a tab bit confusing for muh little pea size brain heh, but for what I did understand I get some of it, and like it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Tied2AHateSoul | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm this one is a bit confusing. i get the end but where did this come from? is that how u think about people? its pretty deep. one suggestion- maybe you might want to take out a few of the "the one said" "the other said" lines in the beginning- they're a bit redundant. and why does the bird feel sorry for her? why do you add the line "looks can be decieving"?
    Hmmmmmm...
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Sasha Lynn | [ Reply to This ]



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