Ascent by giventofly

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Submission Name: Ascent dots

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Author:	giventofly
ASL Info:	19/M/Seattle, Washington
Elite Ratio:	5.22 - 74/75/27
Words:	132

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	186
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1062

Description:
I have come to the understanding, (in no small part to those who have so magnanimously contributed their personal insights into this poem) that it represents a man who is by far his own worst enemy. Even when all others are for him, he himself will never be able to rid himself of the demon within... and this is enough to rid him of his sanity.

Ascent

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Writhing,
The bare footsteps
Feed the barely finite
battle scars on his soul.
Beguiled,
Until the day
comes when virtue
arrives at terms
With his disgust.

Fighting,
Forgetting who
it was that saved him
from himself.
Interrupted,
His eyes burning
hot as coals,
Flaring up his
ready inhibitions.

Insecurity comes
in a whirlwind
of words that
Pour from her mouth
and from her eyes,
Willing to undo
the hatred of
agonizing days,
Of so many tearful
years apart from
Himself.

Eyes black as tar,
Black as a heart
who’s fears have
swelled in a skull
Exhumed from
the darkness,
the farce.
A deadening effigy
Regretting it’s end.

Then time, in turn
rises to meet
him in his tired ways
Fanning the fire,
Or his ascent…

into madness.

Submitted on 2006-01-21 09:39:17 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I read the poem as about a relationship that produced mixed results. It's about one who enters a relationship without much experience and with some emotional baggage. The narrator grows and becomes self-confident as a result, but also realizes that the partner that brought about this change is emotionally toxic.

That's my read at least.

As for technical critique, I don't know if "writhing" is the best word in line 1, and in line 2 "innumerable" is a bit clunky.

-Frank
| Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good poem. It is filled with so much emotion and I read it twice to try and figure out the meaning behind it. I dont know if I fully understand it, but that doesnt really matter. The words themself express a lot of anger and confusion. I think the girl he speaks of is someone who he is romantically involved with who has made an attempt to help him through his difficult emotional experiences. I think she fails but I am not sure. It says to me that his mind is definitely his own worst enemy and spoken words have set this all off. Sorry if I screwed up the interpretation, but regardless, this is very good. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a very good write. There is a lot of emotion in it. I see it as a someone being driven to madness byhis own thoughts. Really I can relate to that aspect. Like the more your alone the more your own mind tears at your soul. It seems as though it may have started with something someone else said. When it mentions the women. I think the person feels as if he caused it. He blames himself and basically tortures himself over it. He is consumed in darkness to hide from what he thinks he has done. And upon reading it again, it seems that he loved the girl but kept away as not to hurt her. Well, that is what I think anyways. I hope it helps you.

Forever,
Lilithe
| Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Lilithe_Aislin | [ Reply to This ]
  I usually don't read poetry that has this type of style, feeling, and/or emotion, but I found it to be a favorite (this poem) of mine. It was written with so much time, and emotion. It was filled wiith a lot of dramatic elements, and other elements that are probably impossible to describe. I don't know what to think of it. One part of me thinks of it as seduction somewhat, and on the other part, kind of going into the trap of Satan and that this person has turned away from God. I dont know. It just seems that way. Well, take care. Nice write.
| Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Heat | [ Reply to This ]

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