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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ascentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: giventofly
    ASL Info:    19/M/Seattle, Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 74/75/27
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 913
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1062



    Description:
       I have come to the understanding, (in no small part to those who have so magnanimously contributed their personal insights into this poem) that it represents a man who is by far his own worst enemy. Even when all others are for him, he himself will never be able to rid himself of the demon within... and this is enough to rid him of his sanity.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAscentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Writhing,
    The bare footsteps
    Feed the barely finite
    battle scars on his soul.
    Beguiled,
    Until the day
    comes when virtue
    arrives at terms
    With his disgust.

    Fighting,
    Forgetting who
    it was that saved him
    from himself.
    Interrupted,
    His eyes burning
    hot as coals,
    Flaring up his
    ready inhibitions.

    Insecurity comes
    in a whirlwind
    of words that
    Pour from her mouth
    and from her eyes,
    Willing to undo
    the hatred of
    agonizing days,
    Of so many tearful
    years apart from
    Himself.

    Eyes black as tar,
    Black as a heart
    who’s fears have
    swelled in a skull
    Exhumed from
    the darkness,
    the farce.
    A deadening effigy
    Regretting it’s end.

    Then time, in turn
    rises to meet
    him in his tired ways
    Fanning the fire,
    Or his ascent…

    into madness.




    Submitted on 2006-01-21 09:39:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I read the poem as about a relationship that produced mixed results. It's about one who enters a relationship without much experience and with some emotional baggage. The narrator grows and becomes self-confident as a result, but also realizes that the partner that brought about this change is emotionally toxic.

    That's my read at least.

    As for technical critique, I don't know if "writhing" is the best word in line 1, and in line 2 "innumerable" is a bit clunky.

    -Frank
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. It is filled with so much emotion and I read it twice to try and figure out the meaning behind it. I dont know if I fully understand it, but that doesnt really matter. The words themself express a lot of anger and confusion. I think the girl he speaks of is someone who he is romantically involved with who has made an attempt to help him through his difficult emotional experiences. I think she fails but I am not sure. It says to me that his mind is definitely his own worst enemy and spoken words have set this all off. Sorry if I screwed up the interpretation, but regardless, this is very good. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very good write. There is a lot of emotion in it. I see it as a someone being driven to madness byhis own thoughts. Really I can relate to that aspect. Like the more your alone the more your own mind tears at your soul. It seems as though it may have started with something someone else said. When it mentions the women. I think the person feels as if he caused it. He blames himself and basically tortures himself over it. He is consumed in darkness to hide from what he thinks he has done. And upon reading it again, it seems that he loved the girl but kept away as not to hurt her. Well, that is what I think anyways. I hope it helps you.

    Forever,
    Lilithe
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Lilithe_Aislin | [ Reply to This ]
      I usually don't read poetry that has this type of style, feeling, and/or emotion, but I found it to be a favorite (this poem) of mine. It was written with so much time, and emotion. It was filled wiith a lot of dramatic elements, and other elements that are probably impossible to describe. I don't know what to think of it. One part of me thinks of it as seduction somewhat, and on the other part, kind of going into the trap of Satan and that this person has turned away from God. I dont know. It just seems that way. Well, take care. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Heat | [ Reply to This ]


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