Description: just wanted to know if it's a good poem or not and it's not a break up kind of poem
tear out my heart -------------------------------------------
tear out my heart
rip it to shreds
tell me how much you
love then watch my blood
flow from this wound that
you have inflicted on me.
watch the tears that run
down my face as i fall to
the ground and take my
last breath.
tear out my heart
and rip it to shreds
cradle me as my eyes close
for the last time and as you rock
me back on forth tell me how
sorry that you tore my heart out
and ripping it to shreds.
as desth grabs my hand to take
me away for this world i say
my love i will wait for you
as all the lost lovers do.
I enjoy reading everyones poems but this one was very noticeable.I liked it but u repeated alot of things.Dont worry i do it too.And it does sound like u've been hurt and im sorry.To me the worse thing possible is to be hurt by someone u love.Good job!
it sounds like you've been hurt. i didn't really feel the last couple of lines but i got that your heart has been torn out. try not to be so repetative in your poem
The last stanza was the best in this poem. It made it sound more like a poem than a story, and it captured the moment the best. Don't get me wrong but you seemed influenced by the song "scars" by papa roach when you said "tear out my heart, and rip it to shreds" Anyways a little revision would make it much better so consider that because it would sound much better. Good try! Alyssa
Submission Name: tear out my heart
