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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: tear out my heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EV2884
    ASL Info:    21years/female/michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.88 - 53/48/15
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 702
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 695



    Description:
       just wanted to know if it's a good poem or not and it's not a break up kind of poem


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstear out my heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    tear out my heart
    rip it to shreds
    tell me how much you
    love then watch my blood
    flow from this wound that
    you have inflicted on me.

    watch the tears that run
    down my face as i fall to
    the ground and take my
    last breath.

    tear out my heart
    and rip it to shreds
    cradle me as my eyes close
    for the last time and as you rock
    me back on forth tell me how
    sorry that you tore my heart out
    and ripping it to shreds.

    as desth grabs my hand to take
    me away for this world i say
    my love i will wait for you
    as all the lost lovers do.




    Submitted on 2006-01-21 14:42:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoy reading everyones poems but this one was very noticeable.I liked it but u repeated alot of things.Dont worry i do it too.And it does sound like u've been hurt and im sorry.To me the worse thing possible is to be hurt by someone u love.Good job!
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by suicidal_chick | [ Reply to This ]
      it sounds like you've been hurt. i didn't really feel the last couple of lines but i got that your heart has been torn out. try not to be so repetative in your poem
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Fraser | [ Reply to This ]
      The last stanza was the best in this poem. It made it sound more like a poem than a story, and it captured the moment the best. Don't get me wrong but you seemed influenced by the song "scars" by papa roach when you said
    "tear out my heart, and rip it to shreds" Anyways a little revision would make it much better so consider that because it would sound much better. Good try!
    Alyssa
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]


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