Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HaldirLives
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 234/149/60
    Words: 12
    Class/Type: Haiku/Love
    Total Views: 913
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 78



    Description:
       This is a haiku. Haikus don't have to be 5-7-5; syllables don't even exist in Japanese. Just tell me what you get from it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Caring for me
    wilting in the shower-
    A cactus in the rainforest.




    Submitted on 2006-01-21 14:52:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A very nice poem - but a haiku its not!

    I like the way you condence a theme into some very powerful words which all are justified.

    After readign some soposetly haikus on the site, I have written a small ABC of the haiku im my journal, which might come in handy, if you really want to try to write one some day.
    Here is the link should you need it: http://www.eliteskills.com/journalview.php?u=tZar

    best,
    -tZar
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes the formats for haiku and hybrids aren't as the chinese. BUT lol...decided not to bother checkin for 5-7-5 but went straight to the heart of the poem ('to much to late). A cactus in the rainforest.
    `always write poetry, Cheryl.
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel pain in this.

    "Caring for me
    wilting in the shower"

    saying that the care for you has gone away? very potent.

    Then the last sums it up perfectly.

    "a cactus in a rainforest"

    As you are unlovable and hard to hold close as a cactus?

    I know to much water can kill a cactus first hand. I am a serial catus killer.

    Nice job!

    IK
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey I always like to read your poems cuz each is unique and deep. This one I thought was no exception, its hard to portray a concept in so few words and make it powerful (which is why I never write haiku) but you did just that in this poem. I don't really like to try and interpt the meanings of poems just in case i'm wrong, but for me this piece was all about about letting every ounce of emotion drain from you cuz I always have my really good crys in the shower and feeling so lost and alone even though you are surrounded with people. So yeah I guess that is just my personal thoughts on it. Have an excellent day
    Rosh
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Rosh_5 | [ Reply to This ]
      The reason haiku are "supposed" to be 5/7/5 is simply for the challenge of it. It's sort of like trying to solve a puzzel in X steps, which may be quite difficult even if the puzzel can easily be solved in 10X steps. There's nothing magical about it, and few of my haiku-length poems are strictly 5/7/5.

    regarding the poem at hand, it certainly contains the spirit of haiku though, with broad meaning condensed into a handful of words.

    -Frank
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very good. I always thought traditional haikus were by definition 5/7/5 syllables and I never understood it. Rules suck and so I am willing to go along with your theory here. And I must say, I like this haiku. The thought of a cactus in a rainforest is such a tremendous metaphor, I really like it. I bet you could write one hell of a poem about this. But, as far as Haikus go, this one is very good. It is very thought provoking and can hold so many different meanings to it, the possibilities are endless with this one. Sort of like a fish out of water to the other extreme. Very good stuff. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very abstract, I like abstract. This Haiku really makes me think, good metaphor. I usually don't like Haiku, but I saw your name and I know you're a good writer, so I decided to read it. Glad I did. Oh, and you taught me something. I always thought Haikus had to be 5-7-5. Thanks for that bit of information.
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by DrunkOnShadows | [ Reply to This ]
      I swear I hate Haiku's, but this one really appeals to me. There's just something about it, that I can't figure out. And it's orginal, really orginal, I doubt there's another Haiku out there about a cactus in the rainforest, or heck, a Haiku about a cactus at all.

    Points for that!
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]
      Great work. I like the feeling of misplacement of emotions by the object of this piece. The feelings one has for another can be so powerful as to remove someone from their element and feel so out of place that the feelings that caused it in the first place die... like a cactus would in the squalls of the rainforest. really makes you think Very nice work.

    -Lance
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by giventofly | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    88348

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry