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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Between Starsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JimweiZERO
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 1500/844/80
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 837



    Description:
       Having battled with, and lost to, the almighty ratio here at eliteskills.com, I've decided to post this. It's one of the better (of the few) pieces I've written lately enjoy.

    Is it more poetry or lyrics, do you think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetween Starsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Between stars I lie,
    Watching worlds go by,
    Just longing and waiting
    To be at your side.

    I'm summers passed
    You've been right there,
    A presence of which
    I was unaware,
    And reminiscence
    Lasts 'til the afternoon,
    Where every passing second
    Heals every passing wound.

    Between stars I lie,
    Watching worlds go by,
    Just longing and waiting
    To be at your side.

    Through the winter ride
    We both held on,
    Living for the days
    That had long since gone,
    And within the city
    The lights fade out,
    Reminding me
    Of what life's about.

    Between stars we lie
    For days at a time,
    Making the most
    Of our young lives.




    Submitted on 2006-01-21 16:22:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is definitely more poem-y than lyricish, but really the only difference that I'm aware of is that lyrics are written to music.

    Wonderful piece, absolutely beautiful choice of words and concepts. I love it and have no complaints about this one at all.

    -Ethan
    | Posted on 2007-12-16 00:00:00 | by Inkybro | [ Reply to This ]
      If you wrote this poem with one particular recipient of your affection in mind and then presented it to her I would imagine you scored some major points. If not...get with it dude!!!
    | Posted on 2007-08-26 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      this was really pretty! and very sweet. i liked it alot. going on my favs list! thanks for the read.
    peace.
    ~Shadia
    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by Shadia Dark | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow dude,

    it's been a while huh? this was really good. thats what we have to do, is make the best of our young lives. I failed however, i could not live for the days long since passed. lyrically, as a guitara player, songwriter, you should make a cd of these poems that you write, you're poems have always been almost a breath of fresh air to read, verses the other crap on this site. take care of yourself man.

    Brent
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      lets just say i have an infactuation (dont know how to spell) with stars.
    i love reading poetry or lyrics about them.
    i love how this one was really innocent and made me feel happy.
    i think it could work as both, lyrics or poetry.
    i think if it were to be a song that it should be acoustic or something.
    this was nicely written.

    <bleedingtears>
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey sorry I haven't posted in a long time, I have been going through this writers block crap!! I really liked this. It came from your purest thoughts and feelings. I felt your longing and as I read it I felt like my heart was being pulled down. Good work my friend!!!
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by fortressofwords | [ Reply to This ]
      To tell you the truth I don't really know that difference between lyrics and just plain poetry. What I do know though that this was indeed a worthwhile read. I enjoyed this.

    The rhyme and flow were pretty decent. And you use of imagery good. On the whole a good poem and read.

    Keep it up
    Take care
    Later
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this is kind of nice..very sweet and simple..a good read for you to just relax but at the same time feel kind of sad..i like it..
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by EsCaPisT | [ Reply to This ]
      ok. so it was a good write. good flow, imagery etc etc. but i don't know i didn't really see anything original in it. i mean it was sweet and i especially liked how you used seasons to compare your feelings. but i dont know, it seems like it's been done before. well, don't really mind me. i'm kinda disillusioned with love right now, so maybe i'm just bitter.

    it does kind of seem like lyrics, but then lyrics are just another form poetry anyway.

    later then, peace.
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      The fact that the first stanza repeats as the third and then slightly changes as the fifth makes this seem like lyrics to me. But since you start with the chorus, it makes me think poetry. Either way I liked the soul...although the wording made me think of Yellowcard for some reason.
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by nolram | [ Reply to This ]
      that was amazing i really like it i think if you keep writing like this youll do fantastic just one question i think its because im stupid im not sure what you mean by between stars? let me know thanks
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by annezah | [ Reply to This ]
      Lyrics. Definitely lyrics, though as poetry it's good as well and I can't hear in my head the music you might put this to. Anyway, you've got nice flow here and I like the imagery.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is poetic and also lyrical. I love this peice. It would be a great song. It flows so natrually and is descriptive and beautiful and simple in its content. Nicely done!

    Ronda
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this read more like a song. I loved the lyrics and the flow of this. I think you can add to it or leave it as is. I like as is. This was a very deep and sweet song. It was one of the best songs I've read in awhile. Wonderfully written.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I really really liked this one...haha that's a battle we all fight daily lol. anyway I think the beginning of this one suggests more of a poem but somewhere between the middle and the end i started thinking it'd be better as a song..it would be pretty damn good at either one tho...this leads me to wonder when you started writing this one what did U intend for it to be? anyway this was great,good imagry wording and anything else I can think of to be all nitpicky about...am definatly adding this to my faves!
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with Brenna it does need any more lines in it to be a song, but I agree with her that it is a good write it has feeling and emotions that go a deeper then the actual wording would at first appear keep up the good writes
    adnil
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      The title attracted me, and the "song quality" is very pretty. It's almost like
    something I wrote, when I was what, fourteen? Thirteen? And in that sense, it makes it seem like something childish and simple, which is a good thing, mind you! xD
    Yay!
    -Seeya
    Mi
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww James I really really really really like this one A LOT! I think this is more like song material but it is too short to be a song but it is really great as a poem too. If you want this to be a song add a little more but damn everything in here was great. I loved it. I really liked the end where you have..

    "Between stars we lie
    For days at a time,
    Making the most
    Of our young lives"

    This has to be the best write of yours yet. It's definetly a fav. Like I said everything is perfect so no complaints at all. .


    Brenna
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Poetry or lyrics- either way it's great.
    I'm not usually a fan of the more positive stuff, but I like this one a lot.
    It's good to know that love CAN actually be pretty.
    As always, wonderfully done dear

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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