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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Fly on the Walldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Siberianhearts
    ASL Info:    19/f/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 27/21/12
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 659
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1081



    Description:
       I got the idea/inspiration for this poem from the writing prompts section. It asked where you would like to be a fly on the wall... I kinda took it in another direction and pretended I was the fly... That's why this is in third person, mostly, but starts out in first... It's kinda how I'd like to see a meeting, between Pres. Bush (the man in blue b/c I think of him wearing blue suits) and some other heads of states (the man in the suit), go, but its doubtful it would ever happen...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Fly on the Walldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I’m watching,
    I’m waiting.
    There’s more to come…

    In walks a man,
    Oh, who it be?
    With hair so gray and dressed all in blue,
    With him walks a man in a suit.

    A large table, oh, eight by eight,
    One sits in leather, the other in wood.
    They talk and they talk, but I can’t set it straight
    All I keep hearing is “Why didn’t we wait?”

    The man in the suit, he stands right up,
    And tells he the blue, “Get out of Iraq!”
    The suit moves to leave, but then the blue shouts
    “How many more must we let them take?”

    “When it is settled, we’ll bring them all home,
    But how can we leave the kids all alone?”
    The suit, he bows his head and says
    “Yes, I know, but soon the men will be dead!”

    “So instead of bringing all my men home,
    Why don’t you aid me,
    And make it known!”

    “When we present a united front,
    They know that we are strong,
    But a front divided is easily defeated.”




    Submitted on 2006-01-21 21:34:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Intersting take on the promt. I myself wrote a poem in my journal from the promt that would make a better kids book than a poem, it even included using my fly powers to bug the hell out of him, lol.

    I agree with vohomegirl. Without reading the descrition I would hvae never known what your part in this poem was. nothing in it leads on that you are a fly. It seems more like you were hiding under the table or something. I aslo agree that you emphasise on the dialogue too much, leaving the setting lacking content, lacking structure.

    I do see talent here, but what I'd really like to see is a more detailed setting. If you did that without adding to the dialogue, this would have been a better read. On a scale of one to five, I give it a 3 flat
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      reading this a couple times i was still unclear on who the blue and the suit represent. but its an interesting perspective - never otherwise guess u were a fly on the wall if not for the description. perhaps u could give us more clues of ur existance in the poem. and maybe not emphasize so much on dialogue but give us more of the setting.
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]


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