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Author: Th_Plonk
Elite Ratio:    6.38 - 41 /41 /10
Words: 135
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1310
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1864


If this poem were more rambling and disjointed it would burst it's mooring and shamble off into the wide web, shedding loose punctuation and imagery.

And no-one would miss it but me. It's like that big, slobbering, shaggy dog that barks all night and attempts to hump peoples' legs and dig holes to China in flourbeds. I'm rather fond of it though; I _am_ its owner...


You dance?
That's nice.

Get a load of the weather:
Snowed yesterday, not melted yet.
On Good Friday it rained.
We walked to church
between naked trees
    etched fingers stretched
    for sunlight not yet given.
Cold... the rain-smell froze midair
    and we breathed diamonds there and back.
Clean... like an empty tomb
    on Easter morning

And then last Thursday
A circle of like minds
reminded me of dirt.
How, encircled, we discuss
how we'd be Christians if He'd just
                                              let us
                                              let Him.
Dirt. The soil here's dark as love
                                rich as blood
Good farming land, worth living for.


Sky says
    God, like rain, gives grace.
Earth says
    God, like grain, gives life.
You say you can dance.

I've seen this much.
Perhaps you can.

Submitted on 2006-01-22 01:25:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I myself like the idea of naked trees. For its sonics and other reasons. Barren is lifeless... Naked is full of and exposed to Life. It also has a nice sound with the pure 'A' compered to the pure 'E's... with the pure natural image. It works for me very well. And since your're talking about things growing... like ideas in the discussion group.... barren is the wrong idea.
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
  Well... it is definitely an intruiging piece, if a tad distorted. I like how you acknowledge the faults in this piece; it does vary somewhat from the average definition of poetry.

Still, I admire the messy madness of putting a million thoughts, adding some irony and placing it right in the reader's face. Picasso drew abstract, didn't he?

Good one,

| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
  It was interesting how you set out parts of the poem:

'how we'd be Christians if He'd just
let us
let Him.
Dirt. The soil here's dark as love'

It gives it a more original feel and catches the eye. Cool!
'and we breathed diamonds there and back', what a lovely line. It really helps set a nice scene.
| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Seele | [ Reply to This ]
  Sounds like a glimpse into the underlying poetry of the mind; a probing pseudo-vignette involving the the thought processes of a small farming community and its unspoken form of nature worship (or worship of God through creation). The form you've chosen is perfect for conveying the random connections of otherwise unrelated events as seen through eyes desparate for some synthesis in life. Nicely done. Take care. Bill.
| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  It appeals to me, it sounds similar to something I would write. I could read into the whole ambiguity of religion and sarcasm and irony, but I don't know if I have any advice for you.

The only thing I noticed was that:
"Good farming land, worth living for. "
was totally random. Well not totally since you were talking about land, but farming is so different from all the other stuff mentioned. I'm not saying it's bad though, just random.
| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]

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