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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wicked Hoursdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indigo Kid
    ASL Info:    33/f/everywhere
    Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 428/438/115
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1126
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1328



    Description:
       This is how I feel sometimes...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWicked Hoursdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Awakened with your transparent eyes
    in the fog of the hour
    and wanting to call you
    and make you believe I love you.

    Calling your voice mail again
    just to hear your cool warmth then
    leave you another silent message of everything
    I obsess about in the late hours of the night.

    That butterfly, sickening feeling
    of pure raw sexual tension
    and the insecurity of a high school
    girl on her first date.

    The deep desire to have every thought
    and every feeling you own to be
    given to me and to know you
    lost sleep over me just once.

    Consumed with those visions of
    you, me, and them and that last
    time we swayed and I knew
    you were living your life for my touch.

    Listening to Chris Isaak again
    and throwing that insanity around
    my brain some more with your scent
    being the only true thing I know.

    Dreaming of disillusionment
    and heartache that a thousand sorrys
    eat from like ravenous vultures
    circling in the darkened sky.

    This is my bittersweet obession
    that torments me awake
    in the wicked hours of the night
    that are reserved for only you.





    Submitted on 2006-01-22 08:24:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Good title.. and the poem itself seeps with emotion and longing, with a sense of frustration. Good descriptions of the need to be with and feel this person, or to just hear his voice. Just some sort of "contact" to get you through the night.

    "that last
    time we swayed and I knew
    you were living your life for my touch." - been there.

    S7 - This a most powerful stanza..
    though, while reading, I kept wanting to replace "sorrys" with "sorrows".

    A great write.. and you ended it with just the right touch.
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Leave the Chris Isaak, cause it makes it your work. It means something to you, and if you take it away, you're taking away a piece of yourself. I love this poem. I particularly like the third and forth stanzas. Especially the part about the butterfly sickening feeling of pure raw sexual tension. I couldn't have put it better if I tried, and believe me I have. I know exactly what you mean with this. It's a wonderful piece of work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel a little sick that I have been the person in this poem too many times!! but the poem describes that feeling perfectly and I commend you for it. very well done. I like the Chris Isaak part but maybe that's cuz I like Chris Isaak! I really don't think it takes away from the piece. You have my sympathy if you're going through this right now. heaven and hell at the same time. love. it sometimes makes you want to throw up! but it also makes you feel great. so what to do? hang in there and don't fall off the moon.
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...that's definitely a favorite.

    That was truly an incredible write. It's definitely something I can relate to, but it's also SO well-written.

    It's hard to pick a favorite stanza, because pretty much every one identifies a feeling that once seemed impossible to put words on. The one that is sticking out to me right now is...

    The deep desire to have every thought
    and every feeling you own to be
    for only me and to know you
    lost sleep over me just once.

    That feeling when love becomes a near obsession is so beautiful, but the insecurity that comes with maybe knowing that it is only one-sided is absolutely miserable.

    I don't know how many times I've lost sleep just wondering if the person I was thinking about was doing the same thing.

    Excellent job with this...definitely a fav for me.

    -Josh
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by indianhog74 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nicely done.

    You have a lot of really good bits in here that absolutely tell of the pure obsession we can get with a love, and most people would relate to several of your allusions.

    My only advice would be to drop the "Chris Isaak" it tends to break the spell of your words by snapping the reader back to the real world, maybe just use "the same music" or something of that ilk, but it's just a thought.

    Overall, my applause, this is truly enjoyable, and I love a good fixation!

    well done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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