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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: old-fashioned love.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wilted_
    ASL Info:    20/f/singapore
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 138/110/29
    Words: 271
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1065
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1916



    Description:
       something for my grandparents. the difficult relationship i have with my parents make me appreciate greatly, the one i share with them. they are, without a doubt, the most important people in my life.

    comments are welcomed!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsold-fashioned love.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    for Francis Koh & Oon Netty.

    she hangs their laundry
    in the midday sun
    on bamboo poles chipped with overuse,
    while he looks on,
    with undisguised affection,
    at the hobbled movements
    of her arthritic limbs.

    he recalls how
    they used to dance
    to music from another century,
    painting their love in bold yet
    easeful strokes with their feet;
    and the way she would turn
    away in jealousy
    when his partner
    was another.

    I watch him laugh
    at his own juvenile behaviour then
    - the secular need
    to test the extent of her attachment;
    insecurities now undone,
    by the incessant passing of time.

    and she,
    dismisses his apparent conjured
    half-truths
    no one else can verify.
    only that, i notice
    a bashful smile on her lips
    she tries to hide.

    there had been moments,
    when he spoke
    of an almost uncertain death
    without her,
    inescapeable
    from its possibility.
    I saw how pre-sentiment formed
    overlapping creases
    on her face, as he forces her
    into premature independence
    without him.

    my generation speaks nobly
    of a love
    lost in possession,
    fleeting
    in its intensity,
    that i nearly believed
    eternity is
    no longer in fashion.

    but then i saw again,
    the mark of my grandfather's love -
    the lingering cup of his hand
    of my grandmother's shoulders;
    the act of her moving closer to him,
    her head exerting a pressure
    ever so slightly against his,
    as they have their picture taken -
    a memory more than
    the value of the frame
    placed on the mantlepiece.




    Submitted on 2006-01-22 11:07:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is an amazingly and incredibly touching piece of poetry (the style is not one I favor, but that is beside the point) it is a wonderful poem showing a sure hand and a steady and clear insight but too rarely seen in any kind of art today...wonderful...bravo...bravo...bravo...michael
    | Posted on 2007-03-06 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn girl you have some talent on you. This is my first time reading your work actually my first time seeing you on this site. I dont know where to start. I loved the picture you painted with your pen see that old time love that cant ever be tested and what we cant grasp on to today. Seems like the exact meaning of love is slipping away quickly our eternity has turned into a month or two influenced by bad habits of celebrities or letting problems dictate how the whole relationship goes. But you show these two who knew what it was like to live and love. They didnt need the riches they had each other i got so much out of this poem it kinda makes me depressed though cause thats the kind of love i want. Seeing him still being strong for her and the smile on her face because she knows that love is for real. Holding her shoulders with hands of a real man i love the originality of this really. If they were seperated they wouldnt be able to live without each other. You brought out something in a poem i never got before. You gripped me and never let go until that last punctuation. Great Read Great Write.
    | Posted on 2006-05-28 00:00:00 | by wallya20 | [ Reply to This ]
      I started searching your stuff for one I really and truly loved, and here on the second try I find this. It has what I like, a nostalgic tone, a sentiment about love, and a deep enduring one at that, beautiful and original images created by the author, and a pace or beat to it that carries the reader along. This is simply beautiful. I love it and it's a FAV.

    Knowing that it is real, about your grandparents, gives it that much more intensity. It says a lot about you, in that you are able to appreciate such love. We older citizens of this world, sometimes fear that today's youth are too transient in their emotions, hopping from one "love" to the next, falling instantly, moving on quickly, never working to bring a relationship to full bloom. Perhaps, we are wrong. Your poem expresses deep ties to family and to ideals. Your grandparents would appreciate your sentimental side.

    I like how you take simple things and build your poem around them: "hanging laundry, dancing, a photograph." I like the tone of your expression, of your acceptance of their motives, their juvenile testing, etc. Mainly it is their love that ultimately you allow to shine in this, and that, in its simplicity, says much about you. The reader on the other hand gets a full dose of sentiment, a story about enduring love, and a modern girl's take on the whole thing. The generation gap disappears as you and your grandparents become a continuum, for you have saved it all in a photograph.

    Wonderful work, a great poem to read and enjoy, I loved it.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Just some punctuation advice if you want it - for your third stanza -
    'I watch him laugh
    at his own juvenile behaviour then()
    (-)the secular need
    to test the extent of her attachment(;)
    insecurities now undone,
    by the incessant passing of time.'

    Two typos - 'athritic' (like DeepDreamer pointed out) and 'inescapable'... also 'pre-sentiment' should be hyphenated... and in the case of that line itself, I think that 'form' should be 'formed', to make it -
    'I saw how presentiment form(ed)
    overlapping creases'
    - the syntax/grammar in this line works a bit better, don't you think?

    Ok, Rachel.... sorry for the nitpicks but I think you'll appreciate them... I really love this stanza the most -
    'my generation speaks nobly
    of a love
    lost in possession,
    fleeting
    in its intensity,
    that i nearly believed
    eternity is
    no longer in fashion.'
    - it's beautiful and unique and seems so right. In fact, this whole poem is a delight to read.

    I think this might be the third poem of yours I'm gonna fave... I'm seriously considering stalking you too, if you don't mind lol. I like your style... it's original and has that 'x-factor' that makes yours stand out to me more than others.

    Yea.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      A brilliant write, you captured the love these two aged lovers feel for other and how they have grown old with that love never faultering.
    The imagery was crysal clear, as the reader i got lost in this piece as if sitting and watching all the goings on in this piece.
    This is a truely original and rare piece and i'm glad that you decided to share it will us all on ES.
    I take it that your grandparents are still alive? If so have you shown them this piece? I'm sure they would absolutely love to read your masterpiece.
    A Superb Write indeed.

    Poetic Darkness
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by PoeticDarkness | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the ending! I like the way you end with a picture. I can see it in my mind. You had good description here. It was easy to see your grandmother and grandfather looking at each other, and you sitting there watching their faces. But I would suggest putting some punctuation/capitalization. It looks and feels like a really long list without it.
    -HaldirLiv
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by HaldirLives | [ Reply to This ]
      My thoughts...

    Reading it is like breathing a soft relieved sigh. It has a soft gentle swell of breah that seems to go with every line.

    The last stanza is very touching and shows so much truth and love from the tiniest gestures. I like it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]
      Truly beautiful. It makes me wish I were so close to my own grandparents, although both my grandfathers died before I was born, but... This certainly makes one reminisce their own memories.

    I'd just like to point out something: Stanza one, last line, I think you meant "arthritic".

    Apart from that I don't think there are any flaws. An interesting read,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      Um, I'm not trying to sound biased. or anything at all. But for some reason, I picture someone from china, or japan writing poetry like this. I can give you but one reason why.

    he recalls how
    they used to dance
    to music from another century,
    painting their love in bold yet
    easeful strokes with their feet;
    and the way she would turn
    away in jealousy
    when his partner
    was another.


    When you dance and stuff, I just picture like, the chinese characters they're painting with their feet, because they're usually bold and whistful. I don't know. But other than that, It was well written, the imagry was fantastic, and I felt like I was listening to music as I read it. Definently an original write. Besides the love theme, hah.
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Secrets Unheard | [ Reply to This ]


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    88445

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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