Description: i already submitted this once, but hated it. the last line "& in the end it fell apart" wasn't actually meant to be part of it. i went to submit it somewhere else, minus the original ending, & what i meant was the end of the poem had fallen apart, but i liked the way it sounded.
if we dont need to talk
do we need at all?
even when we slide down rivers i'm grabbing hold of branches
& you're still not what i wanted.
maybe its the music
but this feels a hell of a lot like giving up.
so give me your past & your future,
but i think i want you now.
your good intentions have frozen over
& your best defense is diverting your eyes
away from all my nervous habits.
he slips away under full moons & sunrises
this literature has never really shown off
your best side, & i'm sure thats the one i must be on.
through storms & car crashes & "i had no idea"
we're desperate for this desperation,
fading out or running away before we're stable
just make me feel, & thats all i'll ever ask of you.
float on through a haze of imperfect poetics - i'll be your amazement.
the less you care the more i want you to
& the more i push you away, the more time i spend on my own.
lets sing because we're unhappy,
& in the end it fell apart.
Very interesting, but I think too busy, it seems to jump all over the place.
I guess it depends on what you want. Obviously, as an entry in your personal life's poetry diary, you know exactly what every word means, but as a criticized work, it needs a tweak of simplification.
Submission Name: tongue-tied.
