Description: this poem as been constructing itself in my head for the last few days. what i want it to be is a recognition of a change happening that i can' control, only observe. it doesn't feel like it's there yet, so any constructive criticism is welcome.
EPISTEMOLOGICAL JANUARY -------------------------------------------
the end of the old year was a blazing crash
new surroundings and lost friends
christmas wreaths the size of doorways
despair of hospital rooms at midnight
waking alone at the beginning of the end
blinding sunrise as i searched empty streets
now in the first month of the new year
my heart has given in to sadness
the mouth of a monster roaring cave-like
taunts me with everyday things
tv commercials selling bordom and damnation
sunday brunch of poison and pain
a psychotic nightmare where i can't even scream
"tv commercials selling damnation and darkness" was a very powerful line. You said that you wanted to show that the changes are happening that you can't control. You may want to emphasize more on what these changes are that you are unable to control... and maybe show that you are blocked somehow from changing things... or like you are looking from the outside into you life or something like that. Good so far, has a lot of potential. keep it up!
Submission Name: EPISTEMOLOGICAL JANUARY
