Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Have No Name For Thisdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: withblindedeyez
    ASL Info:    19/m/nc
    Elite Ratio:    2.57 - 83/121/58
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Dark
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 598



    Description:
       help me....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Have No Name For Thisdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today, fires burn the skies…
    Tonight, you’ll hear the cries…
    Bloodlust romance, seduced by moonlight
    Scrapes and cuts, nightmares come alive…
    Fire fills your lungs…mouth open wide…
    Tonight, you breathe one last time…

    Today, watch the fires burn out the sky …
    Tonight, we leave you comatose in your mind…
    Bloodshed romance, seduced by candlelight
    Scrapes and cuts, nightmares come alive…
    Griping onto your life…eyes open wide…
    Tonight, your eyes close one last time….

    I need help finishing this.....




    Submitted on 2006-01-23 23:00:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you've got to much of a spiral feel to it. You need a feel of falling straight down and losing it all. There needs to be some more violent thinking in there too.
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds short n sweet. Leave it be ! HAHA U said "Tonight, your eyes close one last time" That pretty much ended it right there. If you really wanted to add another verse I believe it would be much easier too add it in the middle of these 2 verses (as the 2nd verse). Great write...and good luck if you truly decide to add more!
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by MC-Chillz | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm... well, it does seem complete in a way. i mean, the guy who painted the Mona Lisa didn't think that it was complete either. But if you must...

    mention something about each sense. maybe not taste though... well, whatever. Just focus on it and listen to other's work for inspiration. He who starts it must finish it. I only get the feel for adding onto my own poetry. Adding onto someone else's work doesn't feel right.
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by L0RIN | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    88645

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry