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The Ninja Penguins (The Poem)


Author: Sephiroth
ASL Info:    22/Male/WA
Elite Ratio:    4.07 - 60 /67 /29
Words: 137
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 827
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 909



Description:


I like penguins. Especially the Ninja kind. What can I say?


The Ninja Penguins (The Poem)



Ninja penguins hide and steal.
Many people don't think they're real.
I am their master.
I am the Don of all.
Before me, everything else falls.

My army of penguins
Will destroy anything.
Trained to be like Ninjas,
You cannot imagine the pain they bring.

My mafia of Ninjas
Is like something so great.
Something no one can hurt
I alone decide your fate.

They follow my orders,
They do as I command.
You stand no chance against me.
I suggest you get off of my land.

My penguins can fly,
They can live in fire, too.
They are weak against nothing,
Nothing is impossible to do.

Be glad I don't crave power,
Or you might be dead.
All I want is to be with my penguins,
Down in my Antarctic bed.




Submitted on 2006-01-23 23:12:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  You are wrong, this was a lovely poem...but I am the Penguin Ninja master. I can't help it. They chose me. But you can have my action figure if you wanna.
| Posted on 2006-05-08 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  Note to anyone else who may read this...
The last line of the fourth stanza refers to the revised American song, 'This land is our land'.
The song goes...

This land is my land
This land ain't your land
I got a shotgun
And you don't got one
So you better get off
Or I'll blow your head off
This land was made for only me.

My line refers to line 5 of the song...
| Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by Sephiroth | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like this it is definitely original and great fun to read if a little rough in places. The first stanza reads smoothly to the last line perhaps swap ‘else falls’ for everything ‘will fall’. In the second stanza the last line is over long perhaps just cut out ‘You cannot’ it would be just as strong. I love that first line in the third stanza but the following lines are less convincing. The last line of the fourth stanza needs work and on the fifth you have an unnecessary repetition on nothing. The last stanza weakens the poem because the great thing about these penguins is that they are ninjas and you are their master – they would work far more effectively as something similar to the penguin who so annoyed Wallace and Gromit in the ‘Wrong Trousers’. Additionally, this is the Antarctic why not explore the theme of Ninja penguins against the landscape. There is so much more you could add to this. It is a jewel of an idea but I would polish it a little. If you do revise it at all let me know and I’ll take another look.
Hope this helps.
nessie
| Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey this is actually really really amazing. See if you pick ONE thing to write about you can come up some pretty intresting and cool stuff. I have to say this made me laugh!!!!!!!! Awesomeness.....I like it. Keep focusing like you did here. Not to much just enough so that the reader doesn't feel like their jumping around from one bit of your mind to the other.

Nice write
viva
~ash
| Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by nsnaakyhhh:) | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a creative piece to say the least at first i thought it would follow along the lines of that documentary 'The March of the Penguins' but it's definately original. Good job, it was hilarious.

Laughing,
Jermaine.
| Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
  i would shorten your lines, make it as pristine as possible.

for example last line third stanza
you don't need to lead with the word "so"
| Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by huntingjonathon | [ Reply to This ]
  this is [censored]ign hillarious. ninja penguins ha. yeah i agree with Lorin. i want some ninja penguins too. can u give me some? please. this had a nice flow and the rhyming was simple but it fit the laid back feeling of the poem like a glove. keep it up. this is going on my fave list. everybody should read this
| Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  WHOA! AWSOME!... i wish i had little mafia pengiuns... i like the creativity and the way youshow your matre and immature sides of yourself beating each other up and your immature self winning in this poem... well, maybe immature isn't the best way to put it. Well, it's creative and it rhymes. i'll give you that... and my inner child can beat up your inner child anyday!
| Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by L0RIN | [ Reply to This ]


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