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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: Dalelord
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 22/23/8
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1590
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 941

       I wrote this a while ago. Lyrics, cemi-fast paced. Tell me what you think. If you have a title, im all ears.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    into a red light
    rippin a past life
    off to a ceremony
    presented for one and only

    sidewalkin a cool night
    livin a real life
    shearing of a pony
    whispers from someone phony

    and the sight succumbs
    from the light it shuns
    a little bitty stain on a bathtub drain

    and the demon shrieks
    from her pretty cheeks
    as two worlds collide, one uncontrolled both dark inside

    a drink I drank too drunk
    a stink I stank of funk
    livin the wild side
    day to day torn inside

    myopia compromise
    a girl or a boy decide
    enduring a last ride
    all now scream from outside

    her heart cries out when its paid for
    a mind set to future, just the day before
    love is blind, but its all the wrong kind
    skidding the pavement, he looks into her eyes

    Submitted on 2006-01-24 01:21:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ok i get a car crash scene impresion of teens on a midnight drive, i feel the ryhmeing and flow but idk what it is that bothers me about it, idk it's just me. but anyway about your request for a title, i personaly read untitled poems just to see what there like and give title sugestions so here are my ideas if you like them;

    life's crash: because of the visial crash and the watse of life

    one night; one mistake: for the mistake of drunk driving

    well there are two titles idk if you like them but there just some thoughts anyway nice work.

    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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