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The beating started hours after consuming the first drink of the evening; a Jaeger and red bull that bit every inch of my throat as it declared its worthiness for the few seconds of its existence. Just one punch at first- fell with an appealing thud to the back of the skull. It was as well received as I could have hoped; considering the spontaneity I wasn't expecting much, but the recoil up my arm, into my shoulder birthed ideas of yet another strike. I stood over my victim staring through a blurry lens on life and hammered down for a second blow. The attack was immediate and continued without hesitation. Like a piston pumping at the instant of ignition, I began to pummel my best friend within inches of his life. He knew nothing of the reason, of the cause. Hell, I knew nothing of the rage that had been building, blinding me from the onset; but there it was- and I felt that only he, the only person I ever loved, was worthy of experiencing my most glorious moment of passion. He fell face first into the toilet onto the floor establishing an intimacy with the cold linoleum. Blood streaked down the porcelain filling the crevices between each tile with perfect rivulets of red. |
I loved your use of word choice and your imagery fully conveyed the scene being played out.| Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by xxxpunky_fishxx | [ Reply to This ] | Well... This is... Different. It has great poetic quality, but the words in question are... Violent... At first, I thought this would be maybe funny, but saw differently. To beat your best friend up, and have his blood spill onto a toilet to make art... Very discriptive. It indeed made pictures in my mind. Don't go overboard, or i am going to think you are crazier than me. In all, this is a good poem. | | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Sephiroth | [ Reply to This ] | ive had experiences like this in the past. im glad somebody had the balls to write such violence. people usually stay away from stuff like that cuz they think poetry about bunnies and beating yourself up.i liked the end the way the blood made a pattern and for you was meaningful and therefore is art good stuff | | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by groucho1 | [ Reply to This ] | Toilet art... new concept to me. I am not quite sure why you wanted to share this experience for us but it doesn't appeal to me and I am a non-aggressive individual and hate to see any sort of violence. as for the style and the metre it was great. So keep up the good work. | Crackwalker | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Crackwalker | [ Reply to This ] | This shyt is crazy man. HAHA Hellz yahz thats toilet art. WOW. lmao That was really a good write...I was like "wtf...beating up his friend" but now I realize that you were probably both drunk...how u remember this...I have no idea LMFAO Nice work though man. Kudos! | | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by MC-Chillz | [ Reply to This ] | You may or may not have ment for it to be, but I found it morbidly hilarious...but I have A screwed up sense of humor anyway. That was just wrong...in a good way. All I can say is I'm glad I'm not your friend. | | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by curiosityskitty | [ Reply to This ] | Is this what you had did to your friend? O.o I don't think so... | Anyways, it was indeed serious. Violence understandably described, and I could feel the pain both from your knuckles, as well as how unbearable was it to hit your best friend. Well yea in some way its indeed toilet art, blood and stuff. Good write. | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ] | |