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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What Went Wrong?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MC-Chillz
    ASL Info:    18/M/KS
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 36/35/6
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 735
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 487



    Description:
       Decided to do sumthing besides a flow...thinking of Cassie, an ex-girlfriend that I truly loved...I doubt I'll ever write more of this BULLSHIT again...needed to get it off my head!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat Went Wrong?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I think of you all the time,
    Wishing you were still mine,
    Since the day we weren't together,
    Things still haven't gotten any better,
    I ask myself what did I do wrong,
    Still not knowing what went wrong,
    You were my only reason to live,
    Now I don't think I should live any longer,
    I thought we were meant for each other,
    But I guess you found another lover,
    I'm still asking what went wrong.




    Submitted on 2006-01-24 03:36:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      good rhyme man .. i think the words chosen can be improved but well.. i like i t .. just i think you need to put some other details .. but well overall its good then .. !
    peace and love!
    take care!
    victor!
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      This was nice, especially cuz it's not your usual thing. good way of venting though, there was a lot of emotoin and it expresses some realistic thoughts, sometimes there's nothing you can do but I'm right here with your pain on this one. this was pretty wicked chillz.
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      good write and lots of emotion sometimes we ask ourselves these questions but the answer is with someone else no bad intent given
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice venting poem. I like the wording and it flows nicely. Some of the rhyming is a bit off but that can be fixed if you read it over. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]
      good way to vent. yeah i've written about chicks or ex's that i miss. i think everybody on this site does at least one post about love or missing someone. good job Chillz
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      you didn't go wrong anywhere. You pitched in your honest amount and she split for another. That means she's a shallow [censored] who doesn't deserve you.
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]
      Rhythemic, short and sweet. Something that I'll like to read once in a while to... wonder about in my life? lol.

    As what Crackwalker had said, its full of emotion, and its like fresh confusion of the mind.
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice peice totally empathize. The use of the word wrong ending two lines could have made a difference, but on the whole totally entertaining, full of emotion and bewilderment

    Crackwalker
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Crackwalker | [ Reply to This ]


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