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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: i dodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sushi wok
    ASL Info:    19/f/australia
    Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 64/67/13
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 757
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1232



    Description:
       i've only been to a wedding once many years ago. i watched many weddings in a movie before. but to write about one? i think it's odd to me, for i am still very young (turning 18 this yr and totally don't feel 18!) and a wedding of my own and to be thinking of having one of my own is kind of weird.

    maybe i'm having these thoughts because i love this guy so much that i wouldn't mind going down the isle with him. ha ha, if he was to find out he would freak!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi dodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Standing at the large doors now shut,
    I tremble.
    The doors open and a beautiful bright light shines in,
    Blinding me for a moment.
    Faces turn to me,
    But I only see one.
    I hear music soft but sweet.

    Walking down the red path,
    Someone guiding me.
    My sight hazy,
    Not sure of where I’m going.
    The music stops,
    And so does the path.
    The haziness is now lifted away.

    The one face I saw all the time,
    Is standing before me.
    He smiles and I smile back.
    I hear someone mumbling words,
    Forever, together, love, life…
    Always looking into his deep brown eyes,
    He takes my hand.

    Smooth and coolness touches my finger,
    Round and silver with pretty stones on top.
    The ring, the never ending circle.
    You speak words,
    So clear the voice of an angel.
    You promise things I know you will keep.
    I know deep down my heart.

    The two simple words,
    I do,
    They mean so much.
    It promises of life time togetherness,
    And forever the love between us.
    To be with just you forever,
    I do.




    Submitted on 2006-01-24 03:49:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Awww this is really sweet, you write some lovely images of walking down the aisle.

    A couple of things you might think about:

    "my sight hazy" and "the haziness lifted away" maybe consider "the VEIL" lifted away" that would stop the repetition and fits into the wedding theme well.
    "music soft BUT sweet' is a bit confusing, I thing simply "soft AND sweet" says it better.

    Just a coupla small thoughts, I really liked this...dream on! lol

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm with you girl! I think about marrying my man ALL the damn time! Hey, when you're in love...THIS in love...you're never too young. I could totally picture this wedding...the smiles and the love...and the music...I could feel your love and it made me smile. Good luck! Take care! Great write! ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this alot. And just because you are 17 goin on 18 does not make you too young to think about your wedding. I myself am 18 and I'm actually planning my wedding for this summer. It's scary but really exciting and I think you captured the feeling of what it might be like to walk down the isle that will change your life forever. I agree with Halston on the things he/she? pointed out. I like the feeling put into it you just need alittle work on the wroding. other than that this was a great piece. Great job!

    -Oli
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem, which is saying something, because other than my own collections I'm not overly fond of lovey-dovey poetry. The main reason this stands out is that I am prearing to say my vows later this year. YOur poem doesn'treally flow, butthen again it doesn't really need to. You convey your image and emotions well enough without it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      
    i think this is really good, but there are a few kind of nit picky things.

    "The one face I saw all the time,
    Is standing before me.
    He smiles and I smiled back"
    your happily in present tense and then there is smiled.

    "Standing at the large doors now shut,
    I tremble.
    The doors open and a beautiful bright light shines in" Maybe you could re word that a little
    its a little ackward? i dunno

    anyways
    i loved the lines
    "I hear someone mumbling words,
    Forever, together, love, life…
    Always looking into his deep brown eyes,"
    i love how aware you are during the wedding, yet...you aren't really there

    a good feeling ran through this poem

    :]]
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ]


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