Winter in her eyes by Darth Zeus

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Submission Name: Winter in her eyes dots

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Author:	Darth Zeus
ASL Info:	19/F/netherlands
Elite Ratio:	7.34 - 369/225/33
Words:	91

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	308
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	586

Description:
Say whatever you want. Did you like it or not, what could be better and did it make you think about something?
I wrote this poem a bit in a rush, and I did not spend any time yet to make big changes (cause I am not entirely satisfied)nbut i've made some little ones today

Winter in her eyes dots

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There she goes, with her everlasting stare
Frozen and white, as the ground is bare
Lifeless but restless, cold as ice,
It's always winter in her eyes

She lets it all rain down
Like it just doesn't matter
But when you see her,
You mustn't frown,
If you spot her look full icy weather
'Cause no one's ever seen her smile

No sun to lighten up her mood
She never shines whenever she should
No one knows, not even the wise,
Why it's winter in her eyes.

Submitted on 2006-01-24 09:04:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  jann i luv this :) i have some ideas and it reminds me of someone i miss very much right now who lives far away where it's very cold...and she is going through a lot right now. you inspire me!! very good poem and the image of "winter in her eyes" is awesome!!!
| Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by scissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting piece you got in here. Only one issue I have with this, the rhyme in one point seem a bit off but after that it picked up.

I love the poem on whole though it was very good. Keep up the good work and have a blessed day.
| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, this was very good! The title caught my attention immediately... Winter in her eyes. That is a deep image, with various implications. Sometimes, I feel my own eyes are in winter. There are few grammatical mistakes, but I attribute that to brief carelessness, since you said you wrote this in a bit of a hurry. But even then, this is wonderful. I must congratulate you on that!

The imagery is constantly evolving, with beautiful wording. And your diction is precise and efficient for conveying your meaning. I should still recommend you to develop the poem further. I am sure you could make it a masterpiece!
| Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by HansRik | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this one... I've written something with the same... message... I guess would be the word... but I didn't do it exactly the same... Personally, I prefer long poems/lyrics, so I normally wouldn't have read this if you weren't so cool... I liked it... I might... "borrow"... the metaphor in this... someday... long after you forget you ever wrote this... :P

~ Rollin
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by J. Spades | [ Reply to This ]
  I guaeantee you deep inside this person is smiling
A lot of people seem afraid to let others see them with a smile or in a good mood because a lot of people on this world are jealous of this that are fixed with a positive mindset
I enjoyed reading this write
By the way Linguine is a form of thick spaghetti
It is quite good
God Bless
Your Friend
Ron
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I think that your change of stanza flow kind of through this off some from being as potent as it could be. You seemto start with a rhyme thing and then it changes before even midway. I think that is is a great poem, but you did not string this together enough, it's like three different poems in one. That's my honest observation of this. Tweak it up to tie in together, and I think you will have a masterpice on your hands. This was some awesome writing.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey I like this. As the others have said the title was too good.
I like the idea. It is just a bit too short maybe you could add one or two stanza. I can relate to the person, somehow I really felt sad.

There she goes, with her everlasting stare
Frozen, and white, as the ground is bare
Lifeless but restless, cold as ice,
It's always winter in her eyes

This stanza was really good. On the whole your poem is good.
With love shabnam
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
  Your first stanza was flawless...however you seemed to lose they flow as it went along...perhaps some revision would make this whole piece as muse gripping as the title...

Oh i also caught the typo in Never...you spelled it niver.

Feeling...hmmm I felt like i was look upon a very distant and lonely person through the eyes of someone who cares deeply for her.

hope that helps

Tink
| Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked it yes and no. I liked the concept, this chick walking around just cold, with winter in her eyes, maybe i was expecting too much...i think you could have done better with this, the title was freakin awesome! who comes up with that kind of stuff...but it's the content that laft me wanting more. cheers bub
| Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed this.

I've read almost all of your work on here, except for the last few poems after this one... This is my favorite. It's a definite add to my favorite's list. Please, don't change this. It's beautiful... It almost makes me wish there was snow on the ground... *Laughs*

It makes me remember when I started dating my first girlfriend in December of 2004. Winter was amazing that year because of her... After we broke up... The snow melted, the flowers died, the world turned grey...

I can relate. I like it. Great job.

CAH
| Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by bloody_carebear | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this was just fine the way it is. Structure, flow and your choice of words again were just right. Insightful and very good.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

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