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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Human Fencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SumN
    ASL Info:    16/Male/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 17/22/6
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 202
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 810



    Description:
       *This poem is dedicated to the jewish religon and the holacaust*


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHuman Fencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Chidren sitting by the fireplace for my
    Boys Are Still Young
    Watching them, then from a distance I hear the
    Noise Of Real Guns
    We have a
    Choice To Still Run-
    but we find more closure trying to hide to
    Avoid The Teal Sun
    The front door is opening i yell
    Loydd And Will Run
    My direction is where they
    Point The Steel Ton-
    I gallop through the room trying to
    Join The Children
    When all and all the
    Point Just Feels Dumb-
    I awake in a dark chamber with
    Poison Filled Lungs
    Closer to death i think where did they get the
    Joy In Kill From
    Poison seeping deeper turning
    Joints To Chilled Numb
    I slowly fade away untuil my
    Voice Of Will's Done




    Submitted on 2006-01-24 10:56:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I have to agree with Li Li, this was kind of confusing. The layout is what threw me off. The poem is good, I could definitly see this happening in my head. The lines that distracted me from the flow and everything would have to be "Closer to death I think where did they get the joy to kill from." This sentence just seems to go on, I would say this poem needs some punctuation.

    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      This was kind of confusing. The punctuation kind of threw me off. I felt an impact from reading it. I felt a cry out for something...not sure what it was though.

    We all have demons...it's up to us to leave the demons in the dark and put ourselves in the light.

    Don't know if that can really relate to the poem...but I felt it needed expression.

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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