Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If you were.....dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Silent_Tears
    ASL Info:    16/f/BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.13 - 90/111/59
    Words: 323
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1052
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2055



    Description:
       Hey,

    I got this idea from the writting promt area, I somewhat modified it though. I wrote it in a couple of points of view, not sure which one is better or if I should blend them together. I'll leave that up to you

    *Let it Flow*
    Raven

    P.s. I warn you it's not that good.
    #1 one sided
    #2 one sided
    #3 put together


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf you were.....dots
    -------------------------------------------


    If you were a lost child
    Would you wish the days away
    Envy the world around you
    Cherish a good friend

    If you were a victim
    Would you tell the world your story
    Belive in a place over the rainbow

    If you were dieing
    Would you lie in bed and wait
    Let the days waste away
    Hide away your soul

    If you were a thought a lost cause
    Would you belive the words
    Let others live your life and dreams
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    If you saw a lost child
    Would you turn away
    Pretend they weren't there
    And walk away

    If you saw a victim
    Would you let the torture carry on
    Pretend they were happy
    Ignore and live your life

    If you saw a dieing soul
    Would you let the hide away
    Lie and waste away

    If you saw a lost cause
    Would you pass along the thought
    Make the world belive it
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    If you saw a lost child
    Would you turn away
    Pretend they weren't there
    And walk away

    What if you were a lost child
    Would you wish the days away
    Envy the world around you
    Cherish a good friend

    If you saw a victim
    Would you let the torture carry on
    Pretend they were happy
    Ignore and live your life

    What if you were a victim
    Would you tell the world your story
    Belive in a place over the rainbow

    If you saw a dieing soul
    Would you let the hide away
    Lie and waste away

    What if you were dieing
    Would you lie in bed and wait
    Let the days waste away
    Hide away your soul

    If you saw a lost cause
    Would you pass along the thought
    Make the world belive it

    What if you were a thought a lost cause
    Would you belive the words
    Let others live your life and dreams




    Submitted on 2006-01-24 12:49:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like how you mixed them up in the end. This poem gave me goosebumps. You definately have talent, this is the third poem I have read of yours, and it makes me sad to see that not so many people read and comment on your work. It is very good.

    "If you saw a victim
    Would you let the torture carry on
    Pretend they were happy
    Ignore and live your life"

    Sometimes it is easier to ignore others pain, so that you can ignore your own.

    Or as I rather point out, you ignore there pain because you don't WANT to see that others can be worse off them you. You want to have the worst pain, the most to complain about...because people feel that is what they have to do to get noticed: Have problems.

    This was sad, but it was so much more then just that.

    Wonderful piece.
    Krazy
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow.I freakin love this! How creative are you, puttin up this cartoon along with the poem. It flows and is thought provoking. I likey ; )
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Peachpitt | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    88706

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    This written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Incubus written by monad

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry