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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: barely Theredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 849
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 950



    Description:
       Again about my sister...can't write about my own love life :(


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbarely Theredots
    -------------------------------------------


    she soaked herself in the bath
    half expecting her heart to wash away
    the peices that were left just hang inside her chest

    barely there

    she sleeps at night, half expecting never to wake up
    either lost in dreams or dying from the pain of being alone
    she was so use to a warm body beside her
    she clings to the scent of his colonge on her pillow

    barely there

    she watches him all day
    half expected for him to come back to her
    desperately clinging to that smile that is only hers
    the one that stains his lips when she know s that she amuses him
    the smile that is only

    barely there

    she goes home and wishes that there was some way to make him go back
    she half expects defeat to cling to her mind
    but her determination is somewhere inside her

    just barely there





    Submitted on 2006-01-24 13:00:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I loved it. It was absoutly wonderful how it started out so somber and sad and then ended up showing that she still had hope and hadn't let the fellow kill her completely. I could see Raivn in this poem. You know her pain so well...it is magnificent how you can portray her so. And how you can show her feelings in a not-so-typical way.
    I loved how there is still hope in the end.
    ...Jessie
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      NICE POEM. IT'S DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING. I THINK ALL US GIRLS HAVE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION THOUGH. IT'S VERY HARD TO ADJUST TO BEING AONE. BUT I HAVE AND NOW I LOVE MY LIFE! GREAT WORK!
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really nice but the repetition is OK.
    i like what it's about and whatnot, but i personally think it would have been better about you. that was a good subject to write on because it was right there and i still like it, but if you can do that for other people, you can surely do that about yourself.

    -BleedingTears
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked it. The "love and loss" theme seems to be popular. And I like that the last couple I've read have been in something other than first person. Nice poem
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by SwiftynCdale | [ Reply to This ]
      hey hows things hope alls good this was good in its own way i dont think i've read anything like it before no bad intent given
    good read and good write
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Jesus Christ, that was beautiful. You manage to get right in there, I guess cause I run my mouth to you about the way I feel so damn much. This was incredibly beautiful. Words don't do it justice. I love you, Jaz. You have such a beautiful soul.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


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