Description: I couldn't sleep and so I decided to write, this is what I came up with, from my fears that maybe I can't love, that something inside me is wrong, or something about me is, that keeps me from really loving, not just thinking that I care.
Oh God above in the light
I am scared tonight
as I lay here on my bed
thoughts and worries whirl in my head
Music filters to my ears
calling sweetly, trying to ease my fears
I thought I had a grasp on love
I held in my hands and my heart soared like your dove
But it was nothing more then a dream
an illusion a fancy of what seemed
my heart is cold within my chest
and I wonder if it will ever let in a guest
Someone other then you and me
if it will ever trust and just let be
My nightmares still haunt, still come
Yes that is true but they have lessened some
I wish and hope for what might be
but I can't help but wonder if I will see
a time where the past is truly the past
and this unending fear leaves at last
Nothing more nothing less
do I pray for, and for forgiveness
nothing less nothing more
to open my wings and soar
The first two lines of the last stanza kinda disrupt the write by breaking that sentence up like that. I think if you adjusted it somehow or re-wrote that part to give it a better flow and maintain the rhyme structure you have set, it would be a lot better. Nice prayer though. Thanks for sharing.
The opening lines are a little weak in the rhyme pattern, and there are some of the lines that feel a bit wordy especially the last line of stanzas 2 and 4. try rewording just a bit to limit the number of syllables.
The tone and words are heartfelt and have good imagery. I like that your not afraid to put your religious faith out there for all to see. It shows just how ingrained your belief is.
Submission Name: Simple Prayer
